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Like creature based aggro? Like vampires, the edgelord goths of mtg, but have commitment issues to only them? Like discarding cards being a good thing? (You get to draw some too, but there's so much more discard.) Do you feel like control players should have their civil rights revoked? Then this deck is for you. You'll be discarding so many cards your opponent will wonder if you have lost your sanity. If you choose to play this deck, you likely never had any to begin with. Speaking of lack of sanity, here's how the deck kinda works - play some low drop creatures (Basically all of them. I mean, look at those cmcs. Sexy.), and discard other cards accordingly, using effects such as Olivia's, Avatar of Discord, Faithless Looting, etc. Bring back creatures with Unearth and Gruesome Menagerie. Or just pay their madness cost if you have Falkenrath Gorger on the battlefield when you discard your cute lil murderers. If they're vampires. About the vampire thing - Olivia is your main gal in this deck. She'll give your non-vampires a goth makeover, turning them into vampires and buffs all your creatures, vampires or otherwise, if you use her effect. Don't worry though, ya'll are in an open relationship, so it's all good if she drinks a little of your minions blood and if you have to discard her. You may have noticed a lot of cards in this deck are single copies. You may also be wondering why, as usually good modern decks, especially aggro, run 4 copies of almost everything - for which the obvious answer is variation, flavor, and insanity (I'm indecisive with my toys). Also helps convince your opponent you are indeed absolutely bat-shit banana brains. Plus, your most important cards have multiple copies. It's not like this deck was built around abusing Gruesome Menagerie, Unearth, Risk Factor and Faithless Looting. Anyways, smack your opponent with your beefy creatures. Draw some cards. Discard even more. Pay madness costs. Let your creatures die. Taunt your opponents when they come right back, stronger and pissy-er than ever. Give them painful choices, with Vexing Devil and Risk Factor. Torment them during the game and comfort them afterwards by letting them know they will find love, provided they shave their goatee and stop blaming their parents for their own misgivings.
take a small intermission here, I came back realized how carried away I got with this
Ok, so now, as for the sideboard (or as what it should be called, a collection emergency buttons with like, 3 gold coins) - Deadbore is in case you're in a pickle and need a beefy mclarge-huge blocker your opponent has taken care of. I'm too lazy to look for something that can take care of hexproof turds. Earthshaker Khenra is good, but the pup doesn't jive as well with me, even though it fits decently well into the deck. Same with Stromkirk Occultist, which is in my maybeboard, but while the Occultist synergizes better, Khenra is more of a "fck we need some help dealing with early-mid game chump blockers. Goblin diplomats is a good card for creature aggro, but it's very situational. Two copies for a better chance of drawing if a taunting/shit talking your opponent isn't working vocally. Ruin Raider is for a little extra draw power. (He won't hurt you too much, I promise. More of a teasing pain if anything else. Unless you draw Gruesome Menagerie, but that can end the game early if you're set up right.) Stigma Lasher is in case your opponent is being a bitch and you want their life gain to be shut down. Whither is neat (by neat I mean fcking amazing for deterring blockers, which this card wants), it's cmc is low enough to be brought back with your revival effects, and if you have Olivia or Mass Hysteria on the field it can swing immediately. You might wonder why I pick Stigma Lasher over the new Tibalt, and it's cuz a) Tibalt is not insane, he's just a meanie, and b) Tibalt's a Planeswalker, and while he is bulkier than the elemental, the Lasher can be revived repeatedly, etc. Plus, if you want to use Tibalt's activated ability, he will die sooner, and when he leaves so does the life gain restriction, but as long as Stigma Lasher has dealt damage to the opponent, the opponent can't gain life, even if the Lasher dies. Plus, even if it's blocked, either something dies or gets permanently weakened due to whither. The reason I have 2 copies in the sideboard is cuz it's amazing against a lot of life gain decks and combos, but at the same time, it's sideboarded cuz most decks aren't life gain and I'd prefer to have something like Rix Maadi Reveler against most decks instead of the Lasher. Why do I feel the need to defend Sitgma Lasher's utility so much, damn. Feast of Dreams and Smelt serve relatively similar purposes, but there are more copies of Smelt cuz of how annoying Grafdigger's Cage is to the deck. Basically they're here to destroy cards that prevent graveyard shenanigans. Sorin is in here cuz his abilities synergize to varying degrees with the deck. Mainly he's there to help you bolster your cards and cheat some in so you can use mana for other things during your turn. However, a decent chunk of creatures in your hand aren't vampires usually, as this is really only psuedo-tribal, and while his first +1 is still useful despite that, this is a creature based aggro deck, so a planeswalker, by it's nature, even one who has the potential to synergize as well as this Sorin can, is a little clunky. You have better things to do with 3 mana (for example, jump-starting Risk Factor).
take one more small break mortal, because if you don't, you'll be forced to go back to the room with all the cushions, and wear that hideous, clumsy jacket that goes horribly with your usual attire, and nobody wants that to happen
For the maybeboard (some of these were close to making it into the sideboard or main deck, but either seemed less useful as the deck building progressed, can't be worked in as easily as I'd like, or just aren't quite enough value) - Sin Prodder was originally in the deck cuz a 3/2 for 3 with Menace and draw/burn effect seems to fit right in. But unfortunately, most cards have low cmc in this deck, so if it's a card that is extremely important to this deck (that can't be cast from the graveyard), like Unearth, they can just take a point of damage of two instead of letting you draw a powerful card. The only exception would be Gruesome Menagerie. But Risk Factor does basically the same thing, except it's a lot more explosive, doesn't mill you (discard = good, mill = bad), and if you jump start it, lets you discard one thing of your choice from your hand. Risk Factor is the better card, even if this deck has a focus on creatures and not spell-slinging. Another card in the maybeboard is Crucible of Worlds, cuz there is a decent chance you'll discard a few lands with how the deck plays, and being able to play those lands from you graveyard is incredibly helpful and makes it less stressful when picking what to discard. However, this deck is also (somewhat) a budget deck, so having a single card worth usually around 20 bucks isn't ideal for your wallet. The next card in here, Dismissive Pyromancer, was considered for card cycling and, once it's outlived it's usefulness, probably killing a creature. However, lacking a lot of immediate synergy, offensive presence, and requiring you to pump extra mana into him to do anything made me take him out. Rix Maadi Reveler fit better with how this deck plays, and is generally a better card. Stromkirk Occultist has some good synergies with this deck, and could be sideboarded, or even added to the main deck. I just don't like using it as much as the other cards in the deck though, and want to mostly relegate my sideboard to cards I feel are more necessary against certain match-ups, as opposed to fitting well in the deck. (Yes I need 3 copies of Smelt in the sideboard. I almost put in 4, and a few copies of Crush into the sideboard too so shut your gibbering maw.) Cartouche of Zeal is a good card for creature aggro, but between Olivia, Mass Hysteria, Cordial Vampire, etc I think it's a little useless for giving keywords and stat buffs. Bloodshed Fever is like a lot of cards on this list, it's just simply outclassed in 90% of situations. Goblin Diplomats is usually a better card for this deck's sideboard (don't forget to taunt you opponent as much as your lil gobos would). The final card I'm going to mention is Judith, Scourge Diva. She's better for more "suicidal charge" archetype of deck rather than this one (tho this deck does overlap with some suicidal charge themes). She is still and fantastic creature, but just doesn't fit nearly as well as I'd have liked in this deck. There's a lot more that could be added to this maybeboard, but I've already spent far too long writing this damn description. It's taken me almost three times the amount of time to do that then it did for me to build this deck, lose it, find part of it, reassemble it, and revise the ever-loving crap out of it. Now, if you've made it through this, go forth, kill it at FNM, get kicked out for eating your opponent's Teferi and lighting your game store on fire when you hear they're out of Modern Horizon boosters. Feel free to offer sarcasm, your mortal soul, tips for the deck (though realize please that this is a somewhat budget deck and is meant to be a little insane and varied in cards), or hmu to start a cult worshipping shinier pieces of cardboard and whatever band I'm jamming to on Spotify.
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|»||Revision 8 (latest)||July 16, 2019||smutty goblin|
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|Revision 6||July 12, 2019||smutty goblin|
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|Revision 3||July 12, 2019||smutty goblin|
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|Revision 1||July 12, 2019||smutty goblin|
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