At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run! It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

Choose an artist. Exile the top six cards of your library, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card with art by the chosen artist. Put that card in your hand and exile all other cards revealed this way.

Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.

Vigilance

{T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.

Whenever a permanent that shares an artist with another permanent you control enters the battlefield, untap Artful Looter.

Destroy target silver-bordered or acorn permanent in any game you can see from your seat.

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.

Whenever another Donkey enters the battlefield, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

Oubleday ikestray

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If you have 3 or less life, this spell costs {6} less to cast.

Flying

Avatar of Hope can block any number of creatures.

{1}{B}, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.

If target opponent has more cards in hand than you, draw cards equal to the difference.

You gain 3 life for each creature attacking you.

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

{T}, Sacrifice a creature: Bloodshot Cyclops deals damage equal to the sacrificed creature's power to any target.

Destroy all Islands.

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

As Brass Herald enters the battlefield, choose a creature type.

When Brass Herald enters the battlefield, reveal the top four cards of your library. Put all creature cards of the chosen type revealed this way into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order.

Creatures of the chosen type get +1/+1.

Search target opponent's library for a creature card and put that card onto the battlefield under your control. Then that player shuffles.

{T}: Target permanent's artist becomes the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Bursting Beebles can't be blocked as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.

{2}{G}{G}: Reveal the top card of your library. If it's a creature card, put it onto the battlefield. Otherwise, put it into your graveyard.

Mountainwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player controls a Mountain.)

Flying

Gotcha -- If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

Defender (This creature can't attack.)

{1}{B}: Regenerate Carrion Wall.

Spells you cast cost {½} less to cast.

Islands don't untap during their controllers' untap steps.

As Circle of Protection: Art enters the battlefield, choose an artist.

{1}{W}: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.

{1}{W}: Return Circle of Protection: Art to its owner's hand.

{1}: The next time a blue source of your choice would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.

{1}: The next time a green source of your choice would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.

{1}: The next time a white source of your choice would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.

City of Ass enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Sacrifice a land: Coastal Hornclaw gains flying until end of turn.

Coastal Tower enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add {W} or {U}.

{W}, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to you or Collector Protector this turn.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Whenever a player casts a blue spell, you may pay {1}. If you do, you gain 1 life.

Enchant creature

Curse of the Fire Penguin consumes and confuses enchanted creature.

Trample

When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield.

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

When Death Pit Offering enters the battlefield, sacrifice all creatures you control.

Creatures you control get +2/+2.

Pay 2 life: Regenerate Deepwood Ghoul.

Change the target of target spell with a single target.

Whenever a land is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, Dingus Egg deals 2 damage to that land's controller.

{T}: Target permanent becomes the color of your choice until end of turn.

Flying, vigilance

Flying

When Double Header enters the battlefield, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

As Drawn Together enters the battlefield, choose an artist.

Creatures with art by the chosen artist get +2/+2.

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.

{T}: Destroy target Wall.

{B}{B}, {T}: Destroy target green creature.

{T}: Elite Archers deals 3 damage to target attacking or blocking creature.

Whenever Elite Javelineer blocks, it deals 1 damage to target attacking creature.

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

{G}, {T}, Sacrifice Elvish Lyrist: Destroy target enchantment.

When Elvish Pioneer enters the battlefield, you may put a basic land card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped.

{G}, {T}, Sacrifice Elvish Scrapper: Destroy target artifact.

If you control two or more white permanents that share an artist, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.

Exile target enchantment.

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

As Farewell to Arms enters the battlefield, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.

When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

{W}{W}: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Flying

Each attacking or blocking creature with the lowest collector number among attacking or blocking creatures has first strike.

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.

Counter target instant spell.

{2}, {T}: Target creature gains flying until end of turn.

{4}, {T}, Sacrifice a creature: Fodder Cannon deals 4 damage to target creature.

{G}, Sacrifice a Forest: Foratog gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

As Form of the Squirrel enters the battlefield, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token. You lose the game when that creature leaves the battlefield.

Creatures can't attack you.

You have shroud.

You can't cast spells.

{G}, {T}: Return target card with a ½ on it from your graveyard to your hand.

Choose an artist. Tap all untapped permanents with art by that artist or untap all tapped permanents with art by that artist.

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

{T}: Add {G}{G}.

Whenever Giant Badger blocks, it gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

As Gluetius Maximus enters the battlefield, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)

When the chosen finger isn't touching Gluetius Maximus, sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.

Flying

Goblin Glider can't block.

When you speak, sacrifice Goblin Mime.

First strike

At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal a card from your hand at random.

You gain life equal to your age.

All creatures with art by the artist of your choice get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.

{2}: Untap Greater Morphling.

Hammer of Bogardan deals 3 damage to any target.

{2}{R}{R}{R}: Return Hammer of Bogardan from your graveyard to your hand. Activate only during your upkeep.

You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name--that's question seven--then the player reveals the card.)

Choose one --

• Target player gains 3 life.

• Prevent the next 3 damage that would be dealt to any target this turn.

Return all green permanents to their owners' hands.

{G}: Regenerate Horned Troll.

Hulking Cyclops can't block.

Inferno deals 6 damage to each creature and each player.

Whenever a player casts a red spell, you may pay {1}. If you do, you gain 1 life.

Whenever a player casts a white spell, you may pay {1}. If you do, you gain 1 life.

At the beginning of each player's upkeep, Karma deals damage to that player equal to the number of Swamps they control.

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Destroy target nonblack creature.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Flying

Spells cast by players wearing at least one item of women's clothing cost {1} less to cast. (You can define women's clothing as you see fit. Be reasonable.)

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.

Whenever a creature you control deals combat damage to a player, that player discards a card.

Gotcha -- If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

Haste

When Lava Hounds enters the battlefield, it deals 4 damage to you.

Whenever Lesser Gargadon attacks or blocks, sacrifice a land.

When Letter Bomb enters the battlefield, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw Letter Bomb. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Lightning Blast deals 4 damage to any target.

Enchant land

Enchanted land is a 5/6 green Treefolk creature that's still a land.

You may have Lone Wolf assign its combat damage as though it weren't blocked.

Enchant creature

As Loose Lips enters the battlefield, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.

Enchanted creature has flying.

Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

When Maggot Carrier enters the battlefield, each player loses 1 life.

{U}: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.

As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.

Add {R} for each nonland permanent with art by the artist of your choice.

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

As Meddling Kids enters the battlefield, choose a word with four or more letters.

Spells with the chosen word in their text box can't be cast.

Search your library for a blue instant card, reveal that card, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

{B}, Sacrifice a creature: Target opponent reveals their hand. You choose a card from it. That player discards that card. Activate only as a sorcery.

Choose a nonland card name, then reveal the top card of your library. If that card has the chosen name, you draw three cards.

{U}, Say your middle name: Moniker Mage gains shroud until end of turn.

{U}, Say an opponent's middle name: Moniker Mage gains flying until end of turn.

As Monkey Monkey Monkey enters the battlefield, choose a letter.

Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.

Sacrifice a creature or land: Add {HR}.

Target creature gets +4/+4 until end of turn.

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

{T}: Add {∞}.

{100}: Add one mana of any color.

{B}{B}, Pay half your life, rounded up: Destroy target nonblack creature. It can't be regenerated.

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return that card to your hand.

{G}, {T}: Target creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

Skip your untap step.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay X life. If you do, untap X permanents.

Pay ½ life: Exile the top card of your library face down. Put that card into your hand at the beginning of the next end step.

Whenever a creature you control deals combat damage, you gain that much life.

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Return target permanent to its owner's hand.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Number Crunch from your graveyard to your hand.

This spell can't be countered.

Destroy all artifacts, creatures, and lands. They can't be regenerated.

Okk can't attack unless a creature with greater power also attacks.

Okk can't block unless a creature with greater power also blocks.

When Orcish Paratroopers enters the battlefield, flip it from a height of at least one foot. Sacrifice Orcish Paratroopers unless it turns over completely at least once during the flip and lands face up.

{T}: Look at the top three cards of target player's library.

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

{3}: Patagia Golem gains flying until end of turn.

You gain 2 life for each creature you control.

Choose an artist other than Rebecca Guay. Target player reveals their hand and discards all nonland cards with art by the chosen artist.

Phyrexian Colossus doesn't untap during your untap step.

Pay 8 life: Untap Phyrexian Colossus.

Phyrexian Colossus can't be blocked except by three or more creatures.

Flying, trample

At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library and balance it on your body.

When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice Phyrexian Librarian.

{6}, {T}: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

Put two target lands on top of their owners' libraries.

When Primeval Force enters the battlefield, sacrifice it unless you sacrifice three Forests.

{B}: Primeval Shambler gets +1/+1 until end of turn.

Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's text box. (The punctuation marks are ! ? , ; : - -- ( ) / " " ' ' & .)

{R}, {T}, Sacrifice a creature: Pygmy Giant deals X damage to target creature, where X is a number in the sacrificed creature's text box.

Did you know this creature has flying?

Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.

{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

Each player sacrifices all permanents that are rare or mythic rare, then each player reveals their hand and discards all cards that are rare or mythic rare.

Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."

Prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn to up to two target creatures.

If you control two or more green permanents that share an artist, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.

Exile target artifact.

{R}: Ridgeline Rager gets +1/+0 until end of turn.

Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))

{2}, {T}: Rod of Spanking deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap Rod of Spanking unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Wall creatures can attack as though they didn't have defender.

You may have S.N.O.T. enter the battlefield stuck to another creature named S.N.O.T. If you do, all those creatures form a single creature.

S.N.O.T.'s power and toughness are each equal to the square of the number of cards named S.N.O.T. stuck together to form it. (One is a 1/1, two are a 4/4, three are a 9/9, and four are a 16/16. If you manage to get -1 S.N.O.T.s stuck together, it's a 1/1.)

First strike

Salt Marsh enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add {U} or {B}.

Whenever an opponent taps a Mountain for mana, you may gain 1 life.

Sauté deals 3½ damage to any target.

Choose one --

• Target player gains 2½ life.

• Prevent the next 2½ damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "save" or "life," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Save Life from your graveyard to your hand.

Flying

Searing Wind deals 10 damage to any target.

Destroy target nonblack creature. It can't be regenerated. You gain life equal to its toughness.

As Shifting Sky enters the battlefield, choose a color.

All nonland permanents are the chosen color.

Shivan Oasis enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add {R} or {G}.

Sacrifice Shock Troops: It deals 2 damage to any target.

Shoe Tree enters the battlefield with up to two shoe counters on it. Use your shoes as counters.

Shoe Tree gets +1/+1 for each shoe counter on it.

You and target opponent arm-wrestle. If you win, create a 3/3 green Ape creature token.

Sizzle deals 3 damage to each opponent.

{5}, {T}: Return target enchantment card from your graveyard to your hand.

Whenever Smart Ass attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, Smart Ass can't be blocked this turn.

Sneaky Homunculus can't block or be blocked by creatures with power 2 or greater.

Creatures you control get +0/+5 until end of turn.

Counter target spell.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.

Reach (This creature can block creatures with flying.)

Sacrifice a land: Spitting Spider deals 1 damage to each creature with flying.

Enchant Swamp

When enchanted land becomes tapped, destroy it.

When Spreading Algae is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, return Spreading Algae to its owner's hand.

As long as you're standing, Standing Army has vigilance.

When Staunch Defenders enters the battlefield, you gain 4 life.

Enchant artifact

You control enchanted artifact.

Whenever Stone-Cold Basilisk blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)

Whenever an opponent reads Stone-Cold Basilisk, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

Target player discards a card.

Gotcha -- If an opponent audibly flicks the cards in their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Stop That from your graveyard to your hand.

Defender (This creature can't attack.)

Flying

Sunweb can't block creatures with power 2 or less.

Premium spells cost {1} less to cast.

Premium creatures get +1/+1.

Target creature gets +3½/+3½ until end of turn.

{W}{W}: Target attacking creature gets -1/-0 until end of turn.

Create a 1/1 colorless Expansion-Symbol creature token for each different expansion symbol among permanents you control.

{T}: Choose a word. Target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen word in its text box was milled this way, they lose 3 life.

The Fallen Apart enters the battlefield with two arms and two legs.

Whenever damage is dealt to The Fallen Apart, remove an arm or a leg from it.

The Fallen Apart can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.

Exile all nontoken permanents. Starting with you, each player chooses one of the exiled cards and puts it onto the battlefield tapped under their control. Repeat this process until all cards exiled this way have been chosen.

Whenever a player casts a black spell, you may pay {1}. If you do, you gain 1 life.

{T}: Exile Time Machine and target nontoken creature you own. Return them to the battlefield at the beginning of your upkeep on your turn X in the next game you play with one of your opponents in this game, where X is the mana value of the exiled creature.

Togglodyte enters the battlefield turned on.

Whenever a player casts a spell, toggle Togglodyte's ON/OFF switch.

As long as Togglodyte is turned off, it can't attack or block, and prevent all damage it would deal.

Destroy target land.

Gotcha -- If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Touch and Go from your graveyard to your hand.

Cumulative upkeep--Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it--without pausing between or fumbling it.)

Tremor deals 1 damage to each creature without flying.

You may tap or untap target artifact, creature, or land.

Flying

Menace (This creature can't be blocked except by two or more creatures.)

Two-Headed Dragon can block an additional creature each combat.

{1}{R}: Two-Headed Dragon gets +2/+0 until end of turn.

Trample

When Uktabi Kong enters the battlefield, destroy all artifacts.

Tap two untapped Apes you control: Create a 1/1 green Ape creature token.

If a source would deal damage to you, prevent 1 of that damage.

{2}, Discard a card: Search your library for a card that shares a complete word in its name with the discarded card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Flying

When Vampiric Spirit enters the battlefield, you lose 4 life.

Whenever a Forest is tapped for mana, its controller adds an additional {G}.

{3}, {T}: Target player chooses a card name, then reveals the top card of their library. If that card has the chosen name, that player puts it into their hand. Otherwise, they put it into their graveyard and Vexing Arcanix deals 2 damage to them.

Vicious Hunger deals 2 damage to target creature and you gain 2 life.

Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life.

Defender (This creature can't attack.)

{T}: Add {G}.

Defender (This creature can't attack.)

First strike

Defender (This creature can't attack.)

Whenever a permanent is returned to a player's hand, that player discards a card.

{B}{B}, {T}: Destroy target white creature.

Wet Willie of the Damned deals 2½ damage to any target and you gain 2½ life.

Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.

Whenever a player casts a green spell, you may pay {1}. If you do, you gain 1 life.

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

As Working Stiff enters the battlefield, straighten your arms.

When you bend an elbow, sacrifice Working Stiff.

{5}, Sacrifice World-Bottling Kit: Choose a Magic set. Exile all permanents with that set's expansion symbol except for basic lands.

When Wrath of Marit Lage enters the battlefield, tap all red creatures.

Red creatures don't untap during their controllers' untap steps.

As Zombie Fanboy enters the battlefield, choose an artist.

Whenever a permanent with art by the chosen artist is put into a graveyard, put two +1/+1 counters on Zombie Fanboy.

At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents.

{1}: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate anywhere, anytime.