At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run! It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Whenever you cast a wordy spell, scry 2. (A spell is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

{1}{R}, {T}: Choose target creature you don't control. Reveal the top card of your library. Alexander Clamilton gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of lines of rules text of the revealed card. Alexander Clamilton fights that creature.

Enchant your library

Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.

If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile Animate Library instead.

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice Arid Mesa: Search your library for a Mountain or Plains card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Hexproof

Whenever you roll a die, put a number of luck counters on As Luck Would Have It equal to the result. Then if there are 100 or more luck counters on As Luck Would Have It, you win the game. (Count both rolls if you reroll a die.)

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.

Whenever another Donkey enters the battlefield, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.

Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.

Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Trample

Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.

B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

You must cast both B.F.M. cards to put

leaves the battlefield, sacrifice the other.

B.F.M. can't be blocked except by three or

B.F.M. onto the battlefield. If one B.F.M. card

more creatures.

As B.O.B. enters the battlefield, create four 1/1 blue Beeble creature tokens.

The number of loyalty counters on B.O.B. is equal to the number of Beebles you control. (Create or sacrifice Beebles whenever B.O.B. gains or loses loyalty.)

+1: Up to X target Beebles can't be blocked this turn, where X is the number of cards in your hand.

-1: Draw a card.

{1}{B}, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.

({T}: Add {B} or {R}.)

Baron Von Count enters the battlefield with a doom counter on "5."

Whenever you cast a spell with the indicated numeral in its mana cost, text box, power, or toughness, move the doom counter one numeral to the left.

When the doom counter moves from "1," destroy target player and put that doom counter on "5."

({T}: Add {B} or {G}.)

A person outside the game becomes your teammate. (Choose any number of cards in your hand, on top of your library, or on the battlefield under your control. Those cards become your teammate's hand, library, and permanents, respectively.)

{T}: Tear Blacker Lotus into pieces. Add four mana of any one color. Remove the pieces from the game.

({T}: Add {B} or {R}.)

As Blood Crypt enters the battlefield, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice Bloodstained Mire: Search your library for a Swamp or Mountain card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

({T}: Add {G} or {U}.)

As Breeding Pool enters the battlefield, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters the battlefield tapped.

Spells you cast cost {½} less to cast.

Cast this spell only if there are three or more players in the game.

Whenever a player casts a spell, each of that player's opponents may discard a card. If they do, counter that spell.

City of Ass enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

When Clocknapper enters the battlefield, choose beginning phase, precombat main phase, combat phase, postcombat main phase, or ending phase. Steal that phase from target player during their next turn. (That phase occurs as though it's your turn instead.)

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.

When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice Common Courtesy.

At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, that player moves a permanent they control to touch Cramped Bunker and no other permanents. If the player can't, destroy each permanent they control that isn't touching Cramped Bunker, then sacrifice it.

Flying

Whenever Do-It-Yourself Seraph attacks, you may search your library for an artifact card, exile it, then shuffle.

Do-It-Yourself Seraph has the text box of each card exiled with Do-It-Yourself Seraph in addition to its own.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

{2}, {T}: Move a counter from one permanent onto another. If the second permanent refers to any kind of counter, the moved counter becomes one of those counters. Otherwise, it becomes a +1/+1 counter.

{3}, {T}: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creature.

{4}, {T}: Proliferate. (Choose any number of permanents and/or players, then give each another counter of each kind already there.)

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice Flooded Strand: Search your library for a Plains or Island card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

When GO TO JAIL enters the battlefield, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.

At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

({T}: Add {W} or {B}.)

As Godless Shrine enters the battlefield, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters the battlefield tapped.

({T}: Add {W} or {U}.)

As Hallowed Fountain enters the battlefield, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters the battlefield tapped.

As Hangman enters the battlefield, secretly note a word with six to eight letters.

{1}: Target player who doesn't control Hangman guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on Hangman. Any player may activate this ability.

When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice Hangman.

You have ten seconds to look at and rearrange the cards in your library. At the end of those ten seconds, if you're touching one or more of those cards, shuffle.

As Hydradoodle enters the battlefield, roll X six-sided dice. Hydradoodle enters the battlefield with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the total of those results.

Reach, trample

Each player searches their library for any number of artifact, creature, enchantment, and/or land cards, puts them onto the battlefield, then shuffles.

As Ineffable Blessing enters the battlefield, choose a rarity.

Whenever a creature with the chosen rarity enters the battlefield under your control, draw a card.

(This creature has INFINITE POWER.)

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.

1 -- Sacrifice Jack-in-the-Mox and you lose 5 life.

2 -- Add {W}.

3 -- Add {U}.

4 -- Add {B}.

5 -- Add {R}.

6 -- Add {G}.

{1}{R}, {T}: Shuffle Jalum Grifter and two lands you control face down. Target opponent chooses one of those cards. Turn the cards face up. If they chose Jalum Grifter, sacrifice it. Otherwise, destroy target permanent.

{4}: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

Flying

As Jumbo Imp enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die. Jumbo Imp enters the battlefield with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die and put a number of +1/+1 counters on Jumbo Imp equal to the result.

At the beginning of your end step, roll a six-sided die and remove a number of +1/+1 counters from Jumbo Imp equal to the result.

First strike, protection from loose lips (Nothing with an open mouth in its artwork can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature.)

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice Marsh Flats: Search your library for a Plains or Swamp card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

When Mine, Mine, Mine! enters the battlefield, each player puts their library into their hand.

Players have no maximum hand size and don't lose the game for drawing from an empty library.

Each player can't cast more than one spell each turn.

When Mine, Mine, Mine! leaves the battlefield, each player shuffles their hand and graveyard into their library.

Mirror Mirror enters the battlefield tapped.

{7}, {T}, Sacrifice Mirror Mirror: Choose target player. At the beginning of the next end step, exchange life totals with that player, exchange control of all permanents you and that player control, and exchange cards in your hands, cards in your libraries, and cards in your graveyards.

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice Misty Rainforest: Search your library for a Forest or Island card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

{T}: Add {∞}.

{100}: Add one mana of any color.

When Ol' Buzzbark enters the battlefield, roll X six-sided dice onto the battlefield from a height of at least X inches. For each die, put a number of +1/+1 counters equal to the result on each creature you control that die is touching. For each die, Ol' Buzzbark deals damage equal to the result to each creature an opponent controls that die is touching.

Creature cards in graveyards can attack and block as though they were on the battlefield, can block or be blocked only by creature cards in graveyards, are Zombies in addition to their other types, and have undeathtouch. (If they would deal damage to a creature card, exile that creature card instead.)

Creature cards in your graveyard have haste.

({T}: Add {B} or {G}.)

As Overgrown Tomb enters the battlefield, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters the battlefield tapped.

{2}{G}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. It becomes a green Die creature token with power and toughness each equal to its result.

{2}{U}, {T}: Reroll any die. (Activate only any time it makes sense.)

({T}: Add {R} or {W}.)

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice Polluted Delta: Search your library for an Island or Swamp card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Each player sacrifices all permanents that are rare or mythic rare, then each player reveals their hand and discards all cards that are rare or mythic rare.

You have no maximum hand size.

{T}: Add {C}.

You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)

State-based actions don't apply to you or other permanents you control. (You don't lose the game due to having 0 or less life or drawing from an empty library. Your creatures aren't destroyed due to damage or deathtouch and aren't put into a graveyard due to having 0 or less toughness. Your planeswalkers aren't put into a graveyard if they have 0 loyalty. You don't put a legendary permanent into a graveyard if you control two with the same name. Counters aren't removed from your permanents due to game rules. Permanents you control attached or combined illegally remain on the battlefield. For complete rules and regulations, see rule 704.)

({T}: Add {R} or {W}.)

As Sacred Foundry enters the battlefield, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters the battlefield tapped.

({T}: Add {G} or {W}.)

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice Scalding Tarn: Search your library for an Island or Mountain card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

({T}: Add {W} or {B}.)

Whenever Smart Ass attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, Smart Ass can't be blocked this turn.

({T}: Add {B} or {R}.)

Smoldering Marsh enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more basic lands.

When Spark Fiend enters the battlefield, roll two six-sided dice. If you rolled 2, 3, or 12, sacrifice Spark Fiend. If you rolled 7 or 11, don't roll dice for Spark Fiend during any of your following upkeeps. If you rolled any other total, note that total.

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll two six-sided dice. If you rolled 7, sacrifice Spark Fiend. If you roll the noted total, don't roll dice for Spark Fiend during any of your following upkeeps. Otherwise, do nothing.

({B/P} can be paid with either {B} or 2 life.)

{B/P}{B/P}{B/P}{B/P}: Reveal a card you own from outside the game that has been banned or restricted in a Constructed format and put it into your hand.

When Split Screen enters the battlefield, shuffle your library and deal it into four libraries. If anything refers to your library, choose one of your libraries for it.

Play with your libraries' top cards revealed.

When Split Screen leaves the battlefield, shuffle your libraries together.

({T}: Add {U} or {R}.)

As Steam Vents enters the battlefield, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters the battlefield tapped.

({T}: Add {R} or {G}.)

As Stomping Ground enters the battlefield, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters the battlefield tapped.

Roll a six-sided die. Strategy, Schmategy has the indicated effect.

1 -- Do nothing.

2 -- Destroy all artifacts.

3 -- Destroy all lands.

4 -- Strategy, Schmategy deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.

5 -- Each player discards their hand and draws seven cards.

6 -- Repeat this process two more times.

Whenever you augment, enchant, or mutate a creature you control, draw a card.

{T}: Add {W}, {U}, {B}, {R}, or {G}.

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.

Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.

Equip {2}

({T}: Add {R} or {G}.)

({T}: Add {G} or {W}.)

As Temple Garden enters the battlefield, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters the battlefield tapped.

Players play a Magic subgame, starting at 1 life and using their libraries as their decks. For the rest of the main game, if a source would deal damage to a player who didn't win the subgame, it deals double that damage to that player instead.

The Grand Calcutron can be your commander.

When The Grand Calcutron enters the battlefield, each player's hand becomes a program (an ordered row of revealed cards).

Players can only play the first card of their program.

If a card would be put into a player's hand from anywhere, that player reveals it and places it anywhere within their program instead.

At the beginning of each player's end step, if that player's program has fewer than five cards, they draw cards equal to the difference.

The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service deals X damage to each of Y target creatures and Z target players or planeswalkers.

Triple strike (This creature deals first-strike, regular, and last-strike combat damage.)

({T}: Add {G} or {U}.)

({T}: Add {W} or {U}.)

{T}: Add {C}.

{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

({T}: Add {U} or {B}.)

{2}: Roll a six-sided die. Urza's Science Fair Project gets the indicated result.

1 -- It gets -2/-2 until end of turn.

2 -- Prevent all combat damage it would deal this turn.

3 -- It gains vigilance until end of turn.

4 -- It gains first strike until end of turn.

5 -- It gains flying until end of turn.

6 -- It gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

+1: Head to AskUrza.com and click +1.

-1: Head to AskUrza.com and click -1.

-6: Head to AskUrza.com and click -6.

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice Verdant Catacombs: Search your library for a Swamp or Forest card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Choose two --

• Draw a card from an opponent's library.

• Copy target instant or sorcery spell. You may choose new targets for the copy.

• Until end of turn, target creature loses all abilities and becomes a blue Frog with base power and toughness 1/1.

• Create a 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature token.

({T}: Add {U} or {R}.)

{T}: Add {C}{C}. Spend this mana only to cast spells with watermarks.

({T}: Add {U} or {B}.)

As Watery Grave enters the battlefield, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters the battlefield tapped.

Target player gains X life.

---

Destroy target artifact.

---

Counter target creature spell.

---

Destroy target land.

---

Destroy target enchantment.

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice Windswept Heath: Search your library for a Forest or Plains card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice Wooded Foothills: Search your library for a Mountain or Forest card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

As long as X is in X's owner's opponent's hand, X's owner may cast X and activate X's abilities. That opponent can't cast X and plays with their hand revealed.

{U}{B}, {T}: Put X into target opponent's hand.

{3}{U}{B}: You may play a land or cast a spell from the hand X is in. If you cast a spell this way, you cast it without paying its mana cost.

target creature gets -x/-x until end of turn, where x is the number of times a capital letter appears in its rules text. (ignore reminder text and flavor text.)