As long as one or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it gets +2/+2.

As long as two or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it has menace.

As long as three or more hands are touching A Real Handful, it has lifelink.

Enchant your graveyard

Enchanted graveyard is a creature on the battlefield with base power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It has the text boxes of all creature cards in it. It's still a graveyard.

If enchanted graveyard would leave the battlefield, instead exile Animate Graveyard.

{T}, Sacrifice Ashnod's Coupon: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

Choose target creature. Roll X six-sided dice. For each even result, put two -1/-1 counters on that creature. For each odd result, create a 1/2 blue Bird creature token with flying named Storm Crow.

{1}{B}, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.

{T}: Add {C}.

As Boomstacker enters the battlefield and whenever it attacks, stack two dice on top of it. (All dice must be stacked vertically, one on top of another.)

Boomstacker gets +1/+1 for each die in its stack.

Boomstacker attacks each combat if able.

When the stack falls, sacrifice Boomstacker.

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Whenever you cast a silver-bordered spell, put a +1/+1 counter on Border Guardian.

Whenever you cast a black-bordered spell, Border Guardian can't be blocked this turn.

Whenever you cast a white-bordered spell, Border Guardian gains double strike until end of turn.

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.

You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.

When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

At the beginning of combat on your turn, roll two six-sided dice. For each result of 1, Celebr-8000 gets +1/+1 until end of turn. For each other result, it gains the indicated ability until end of turn. If you rolled doubles, it also gains double strike until end of turn.

• 2 -- menace

• 3 -- vigilance

• 4 -- lifelink

• 5 -- flying

• 6 -- indestructible

Flying

{1}, Throw Clay Pigeon into the air at least two feet above your head while seated: If you catch Clay Pigeon with one hand, prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to you this turn and tap Clay Pigeon. Otherwise, sacrifice it.

Enchant creature

Curse of the Fire Penguin consumes and confuses enchanted creature.

Trample

When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield.

{0}: Return Deadhead from your graveyard to the battlefield. Activate only if an opponent isn't touching their hand (of cards).

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Haste

When Devil K. Nevil enters the battlefield, jump it over any number of creatures. If it clears those creatures, put that many +1/+1 counters on it. (You can see a jumping demonstration at DevilKNevil.com.)

If a hot source you control would deal damage to a player or permanent, it deals that much damage plus 1 instead. (Something is hot if it has hot things in its art, like fire or explosions.)

{1}{R}, Sacrifice Don't Try This at Home: It deals damage equal to twice the number of hot cards in your graveyard to target creature or planeswalker.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.

{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.

{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

Roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, Goblin Tutor has no effect. Otherwise, search your library for the indicated card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

2 -- A card named Goblin Tutor

3 -- An enchantment

4 -- An artifact

5 -- A creature

6 -- An instant or sorcery

Combined, enchanted, and equipped creatures you control have menace.

{3}{B}{R}, {T}: Put two target creature cards from graveyards onto the battlefield combined into one creature under your control. (Its power is equal to their total power, its toughness is equal to their total toughness, and it has their names, mana costs, types, text boxes, etc.)

(This creature has INFINITE POWER.)

Destroy target nonblack creature.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move permanents.)

One at a time, throw ten cards you own from outside the game onto the playing area from a distance of at least three feet (about one meter). For each of those cards, Knife and Death deals 1 damage to each creature or planeswalker you don't control that card is touching. You gain life equal to the damage dealt this way.

Choose a land type. Exile all lands you control of that type. Drop those cards, one at a time, onto the playing area from a height of at least one foot. Destroy each permanent completely covered by those cards. Then return the cards you dropped to the battlefield tapped.

When Letter Bomb enters the battlefield, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw Letter Bomb. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Creature cards in graveyards can attack and block as though they were on the battlefield, can block or be blocked only by creature cards in graveyards, are Zombies in addition to their other types, and have undeathtouch. (If they would deal damage to a creature card, exile that creature card instead.)

Creature cards in your graveyard have haste.

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's text box. (The punctuation marks are ! ? , ; : - -- ( ) / " " ' ' & .)

Play cards as written. Ignore all errata.

{T}: Add {C}. (This mana is still added to your mana pool.)

{T}: Add one mana of any color that appears on your top. (A top is an outerwear garment worn on the upper body.)

{T}: Add {C}.

{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

target creature gets -x/-x until end of turn, where x is the number of times a capital letter appears in its rules text. (ignore reminder text and flavor text.)