At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run! It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

{T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.

Whenever a permanent that shares an artist with another permanent you control enters the battlefield, untap Artful Looter.

Destroy target silver-bordered or acorn permanent in any game you can see from your seat.

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.

Whenever another Donkey enters the battlefield, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.

Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.

Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Trample

Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.

B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

{1}{B}, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.

Madness {R}, cycling {1}{R}, kicker {2}{R}, flashback {3}{R}, buyback {4}{R}

Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

Flying

At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

Spells you cast cost {½} less to cast.

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.

Flying

City of Ass enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.

As Form of the Squirrel enters the battlefield, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token. You lose the game when that creature leaves the battlefield.

Creatures can't attack you.

You have shroud.

You can't cast spells.

{G}, {T}: Return target card with a ½ on it from your graveyard to your hand.

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

{2}: Greater Morphling gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.

{2}: Untap Greater Morphling.

Flying, first strike, trample

Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay {1}{B}, reveal Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil from your library and say "I'm coming, too!" If you do, Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

{4}: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Destroy target nonblack creature.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.

Gotcha -- If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

Enchant creature

As Loose Lips enters the battlefield, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.

Enchanted creature has flying.

Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

{U}: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.

As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

As Meddling Kids enters the battlefield, choose a word with four or more letters.

Spells with the chosen word in their text box can't be cast.

Choose a nonland card name, then reveal the top card of your library. If that card has the chosen name, you draw three cards.

{T}: Add {∞}.

{100}: Add one mana of any color.

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return that card to your hand.

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Return target permanent to its owner's hand.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Number Crunch from your graveyard to your hand.

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's text box. (The punctuation marks are ! ? , ; : - -- ( ) / " " ' ' & .)

Did you know this creature has flying?

Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?

Each player sacrifices all permanents that are rare or mythic rare, then each player reveals their hand and discards all cards that are rare or mythic rare.

You may play cards as though they were other cards of your choice with the same mana cost. You can't choose the same card twice. (Mana cost includes color.)

Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))

You may have S.N.O.T. enter the battlefield stuck to another creature named S.N.O.T. If you do, all those creatures form a single creature.

S.N.O.T.'s power and toughness are each equal to the square of the number of cards named S.N.O.T. stuck together to form it. (One is a 1/1, two are a 4/4, three are a 9/9, and four are a 16/16. If you manage to get -1 S.N.O.T.s stuck together, it's a 1/1.)

Sauté deals 3½ damage to any target.

Choose one --

• Target player gains 2½ life.

• Prevent the next 2½ damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "save" or "life," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Save Life from your graveyard to your hand.

Counter target spell.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Target creature gets +3½/+3½ until end of turn.

{T}: Exile Time Machine and target nontoken creature you own. Return them to the battlefield at the beginning of your upkeep on your turn X in the next game you play with one of your opponents in this game, where X is the mana value of the exiled creature.

Togglodyte enters the battlefield turned on.

Whenever a player casts a spell, toggle Togglodyte's ON/OFF switch.

As long as Togglodyte is turned off, it can't attack or block, and prevent all damage it would deal.

Cumulative upkeep--Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it--without pausing between or fumbling it.)

Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.

Target player gains X life.

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Destroy target artifact.

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Counter target creature spell.

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Destroy target land.

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Destroy target enchantment.

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents.

{1}: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate anywhere, anytime.