Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Enchant your library

Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.

If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile Animate Library instead.

({T}: Add {G} or {W}.)

Arctic Treeline enters the battlefield tapped.

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.

Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.

Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Barren Moor enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add {B}.

Cycling {B} ({B}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Choose one --

• Boros Charm deals 4 damage to target player or planeswalker.

• Permanents you control gain indestructible until end of turn.

• Target creature gains double strike until end of turn.

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.

You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.

When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

Pursuant to subsection 3.1(4) of Richard's Rules of Order, at the beginning of the upkeep of each participant in this game of the Magic: The Gathering® trading card game (hereafter known as "PLAYER"), that PLAYER performs all actions in the sequence of previously added actions (hereafter known as "ACTION QUEUE"), in the order those actions were added, then adds another action to the end of the ACTION QUEUE. All actions must be simple physical or verbal actions that a player can perform while sitting in a chair, without jeopardizing the health and security of said PLAYER.

When any PLAYER does not perform all the prescribed actions in the correct order, sacrifice Bureaucracy and said PLAYER discards their complement of cards in hand (hereafter known as "HAND").

Flying

At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

As Censorship enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.

Flying

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.

When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice Common Courtesy.

When Conqueror's Galleon attacks, exile it at end of combat, then return it to the battlefield transformed under your control.

Crew 4 (Tap any number of creatures you control with total power 4 or more: This Vehicle becomes an artifact creature until end of turn.)

(Transforms from Conqueror's Galleon.)

{T}: Add {C}.

{2}, {T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.

{4}, {T}: Draw a card.

{6}, {T}: Return target card from your graveyard to your hand.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Search your library for up to two basic land cards, reveal those cards, put one onto the battlefield tapped and the other into your hand, then shuffle.

Return up to X target artifact and/or non-Aura enchantment cards each with mana value X or less from your graveyard to the battlefield. If X is 6 or more, those permanents are 4/4 creatures in addition to their other types.

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

Whenever you cast an enchantment spell, draw a card.

{T}, Sacrifice Evolving Wilds: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

{T}: Add one mana of any color that a land an opponent controls could produce.

As Farewell to Arms enters the battlefield, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.

When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

Search your library for a Plains, Island, Swamp, or Mountain card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

Forgotten Cave enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add {R}.

Cycling {R} ({R}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature loses all abilities and is a Bird creature with base power and toughness 1/1.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

When GO TO JAIL enters the battlefield, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.

At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.

Exile all lands. Give each player a number of those cards chosen at random equal to the number of those cards the player controlled. Each player returns those cards to the battlefield under their control.

You gain 1 life for each person who high-fives you in the next thirty seconds. Each player in an Un-game who high-fives you gains 1 life. (Offer high fives. Don't hit people.)

Combined, enchanted, and equipped creatures you control have menace.

{3}{B}{R}, {T}: Put two target creature cards from graveyards onto the battlefield combined into one creature under your control. (Its power is equal to their total power, its toughness is equal to their total toughness, and it has their names, mana costs, types, text boxes, etc.)

As Handcuffs enters the battlefield, choose a player.

When the chosen player's hands aren't touching each other, sacrifice Handcuffs and that player sacrifices three permanents.

As Hangman enters the battlefield, secretly note a word with six to eight letters.

{1}: Target player who doesn't control Hangman guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on Hangman. Any player may activate this ability.

When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice Hangman.

{1}{W}{U}, {T}: Return target artifact or enchantment card from your graveyard to your hand.

{T}: Add {C}{C}.

{2}, {T}, Sacrifice Hedron Archive: Draw two cards.

You have ten seconds to look at and rearrange the cards in your library. At the end of those ten seconds, if you're touching one or more of those cards, shuffle.

When you speak in non-rhyming sentences, sacrifice I'm Rubber, You're Glue.

Say "I'm rubber, you're glue. Everything bounces off me and sticks to you": Change the target of target spell or ability that targets only you.

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

Lifelink

Enchantment spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Destroy target nonblack creature.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

First strike

{1}{W}, Do the Hokey Pokey: Prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to Knight of the Hokey Pokey this turn. (To do the Hokey Pokey, choose an arm, a leg, or your whole self and put it in. Put it out. Put it in. Shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey! Turn yourself around.)

Krosan Verge enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add {C}.

{2}, {T}, Sacrifice Krosan Verge: Search your library for a Forest card and a Plains card, put them onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Flying

Spells cast by players wearing at least one item of women's clothing cost {1} less to cast. (You can define women's clothing as you see fit. Be reasonable.)

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.

Lonely Sandbar enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add {U}.

Cycling {U} ({U}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Enchant creature

As Loose Lips enters the battlefield, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.

Enchanted creature has flying.

Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

The first spell you cast each turn has cascade. (When you cast your first spell, exile cards from the top of your library until you exile a nonland card that costs less. You may cast it without paying its mana cost. Put the exiled cards on the bottom of your library in a random order.)

Enchant creature

As Magic Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whisper the chosen word: Tap enchanted creature.

(As this Saga enters and after your draw step, add a lore counter.)

I, II -- Target creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each artifact and/or enchantment you control.

III -- Exile this Saga, then return it to the battlefield transformed under your control.

Portrait of Michiko gets +1/+1 for each artifact and/or enchantment you control.

{T}: Add {C}.

{1}, {T}, Sacrifice Mind Stone: Draw a card.

Flying, first strike

At the beginning of each other player's upkeep, you may compliment that player on their game play. If you don't, sacrifice Miss Demeanor.

{U}, Say your middle name: Moniker Mage gains shroud until end of turn.

{U}, Say an opponent's middle name: Moniker Mage gains flying until end of turn.

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

({T}: Add {R}.)

({T}: Add {R}.)

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Myriad Landscape enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add {C}.

{2}, {T}, Sacrifice Myriad Landscape: Search your library for up to two basic land cards that share a land type, put them onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return that card to your hand.

Return target permanent to its owner's hand.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Number Crunch from your graveyard to your hand.

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

Creatures can't attack you unless their controller pays {2} for each creature they control that's attacking you.

Each player plays with the top card of their library held against their forehead, revealed to each other player.

Did you know this creature has flying?

Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?

Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

Suspend 2--{1}{W} (Rather than cast this card from your hand, pay {1}{W} and exile it with two time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter. When the last is removed, cast it without paying its mana cost.)

Return all enchantment cards from your graveyard to the battlefield. (Auras with nothing to enchant remain in your graveyard.)

({T}: Add {G} or {U}.)

Rimewood Falls enters the battlefield tapped.

As Rings a Bell enters the battlefield, choose a word with four or more letters.

After you say the chosen word for the first time each turn, an opponent may ring or imitate a bell within five seconds. When no opponent does, draw a card.

Choose one --

• Target player gains 2½ life.

• Prevent the next 2½ damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "save" or "life," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Save Life from your graveyard to your hand.

Secluded Steppe enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add {W}.

Cycling {W} ({W}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

Search your library for a basic land card and reveal it. If there's a tree in its art, put it onto the battlefield tapped. Otherwise, put it into your hand. Then shuffle.

Counter target spell.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.

Creatures can't attack you or planeswalkers you control unless their controller pays {X} for each of those creatures, where X is the number of enchantments you control.

Other enchantments you control have shroud. (They can't be the targets of spells or abilities.)

{1}, Sacrifice Sterling Grove: Search your library for an enchantment card, reveal it, then shuffle and put that card on top.

({T}: Add {B}.)

({T}: Add {B}.)

({T}: Add {B}.)

Whenever you cast an enchantment spell, you gain 1 life and draw a card.

{T}, Sacrifice Terramorphic Expanse: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

The Ultimate Nightmare of Wizards of the Coast® Customer Service deals X damage to each of Y target creatures and Z target players or planeswalkers.

The World Tree enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add {G}.

As long as you control six or more lands, lands you control have "{T}: Add one mana of any color."

{W}{W}{U}{U}{B}{B}{R}{R}{G}{G}, {T}, Sacrifice The World Tree: Search your library for any number of God cards, put them onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Destroy target land.

Gotcha -- If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Touch and Go from your graveyard to your hand.

Tranquil Thicket enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add {G}.

Cycling {G} ({G}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)

{T}: Add {C}.

{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

Urza's Contact Lenses enters the battlefield tapped.

Urza's Contact Lenses doesn't untap during your untap step.

As long as Urza's Contact Lenses is untapped, all players play with their hands revealed.

Clap your hands twice: You may tap or untap Urza's Contact Lenses.

+1: Head to AskUrza.com and click +1.

-1: Head to AskUrza.com and click -1.

-6: Head to AskUrza.com and click -6.

Target player gains X life.

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Destroy target artifact.

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Counter target creature spell.

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Destroy target land.

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Destroy target enchantment.