When Alpha Guard enters the battlefield, choose a letter.

{T}: Untap another target permanent whose name starts with the chosen letter.

Choose one or both --

• Destroy target creature with flying.

• Destroy target Attraction. (It's put into its owner's junkyard.)

You may apologize. If you do, you gain 3 life.

Enchant your library

Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.

If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile Animate Library instead.

{T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.

Whenever a permanent that shares an artist with another permanent you control enters the battlefield, untap Artful Looter.

Hexproof

Whenever you roll a die, put a number of luck counters on As Luck Would Have It equal to the result. Then if there are 100 or more luck counters on As Luck Would Have It, you win the game. (Count both rolls if you reroll a die.)

Whenever you roll a 1 or 2, put that many +1/+1 counters on Atomwheel Acrobats.

{2}{G}: Roll a six-sided die.

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.

Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.

Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Trample

Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.

B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

As B.O.B. enters the battlefield, create four 1/1 blue Beeble creature tokens.

The number of loyalty counters on B.O.B. is equal to the number of Beebles you control. (Create or sacrifice Beebles whenever B.O.B. gains or loses loyalty.)

+1: Up to X target Beebles can't be blocked this turn, where X is the number of cards in your hand.

-1: Draw a card.

Counter target spell, then ask a person outside the game if that spell looks dangerous to them. If they say yes, draw a card, then discard a card.

Protection from Robots

{1}, {T}: The next time target player would roll one or more dice this turn, instead they roll that many dice plus one and you choose one of those rolls to ignore.

Trample

{3}{U}: An opponent tells you a statement about themselves and secretly notes whether it's true or not. You guess which it is. If you guessed correctly, Blufferfish gets +2/+0 and can't be blocked this turn.

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.)

Whenever Blurry Beeble deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

Return target creature to its owner's hand, then roll a six-sided die. If the result is 3 or less, scry a number of cards equal to the result.

Whenever you cast a silver-bordered spell, put a +1/+1 counter on Border Guardian.

Whenever you cast a black-bordered spell, Border Guardian can't be blocked this turn.

Whenever you cast a white-bordered spell, Border Guardian gains double strike until end of turn.

Bouncing Beebles can't be blocked as long as defending player controls an artifact.

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.

You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.

When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

Bubbling Beebles can't be blocked as long as defending player controls an enchantment.

Bursting Beebles can't be blocked as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.

Flying

At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

At the beginning of combat on your turn, roll two six-sided dice. For each result of 1, Celebr-8000 gets +1/+1 until end of turn. For each other result, it gains the indicated ability until end of turn. If you rolled doubles, it also gains double strike until end of turn.

• 2 -- menace

• 3 -- vigilance

• 4 -- lifelink

• 5 -- flying

• 6 -- indestructible

When Centaur of Attention enters the battlefield, roll five six-sided dice and store those results on it.

At the beginning of combat on your turn, you may reroll any number of Centaur of Attention's stored results.

Centaur of Attention gets +X/+X, where X is the greatest number of stored results on it of the same value.

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.

Flying

Whenever a 6 is rolled on a six-sided die, put a +1/+1 counter on each Bird. (You may roll dice only when instructed to.)

Tap an untapped Bird you control: Roll a six-sided die. (Like now.)

Flying

When Chipper Chopper enters the battlefield, you may sacrifice another artifact. If you do, put two +1/+1 counters on Chipper Chopper and it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Whenever you roll a 4 or higher on a die, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

City of Ass enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

When Clown Car enters the battlefield, roll X six-sided dice. For each odd result, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token. For each even result, put a +1/+1 counter on Clown Car.

Crew 2

Flying

{4}: Reassemble target Contraption you control. (Move it onto another one of your sprockets.)

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.

When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice Common Courtesy.

When this creature enters the battlefield, this creature assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Create a 1/2 blue Bird creature token with flying named Storm Crow.

Storm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each spell cast before it this turn.)

Defective Detective can't be blocked.

When Defective Detective enters the battlefield, a person outside the game looks at target opponent's hand and chooses a card from it. That player reveals that card.

Flying

When Double Header enters the battlefield, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

{T}: Add {G} for each Crossbreed Labs watermark among permanents you control.

When this creature enters the battlefield, you may untap target permanent.

Squirrellink (Damage dealt by this creature also causes you to create that many 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens.)

Creature tokens you control are Squirrels in addition to their other creature types.

Other Squirrels you control get +1/+1.

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

As Elvish Impersonators enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.

{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.

{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

When Exchange of Words enters the battlefield, choose two target creatures. For as long as Exchange of Words remains on the battlefield, exchange the text boxes of those creatures.

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Destroy target artifact or enchantment. Assemble a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Put target nonland permanent into your hand. You may spend mana as though it were mana of any color the next time you cast that card.

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.

Flip X coins. For each flip you win, create a 2/2 green Sheep creature token named Rabid Sheep.

As Fluros of Myra's Marvels enters the battlefield, choose a number greater than 0.

Whenever you cast a spell with power, toughness, or loyalty equal to the chosen number, target artifact or creature becomes an artifact creature with base power and toughness X/X until end of turn, where X is the chosen number.

Partner

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature loses all abilities and is a Bird creature with base power and toughness 1/1.

{1}{G}: Roll two six-sided dice. If both results are the same, Free-Range Chicken gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is that result. If the total of those results is equal to any other total you have rolled this turn for this ability, sacrifice it. (For example, if you roll two 3s, it gets +3/+3. If you roll a 4 and a 2 for this ability later that turn, sacrifice it.)

When Free-for-All enters the battlefield, exile all creatures face down.

At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player chooses a card exiled with Free-for-All at random and puts it onto the battlefield.

When Free-for-All leaves the battlefield, put all cards exiled with it into their owners' graveyards.

When Ghazbán Ogress enters the battlefield, if one player has won more Magic games that day than any other player, that player gains control of Ghazbán Ogress.

You gain life equal to your age.

All graveyards are also your graveyards.

Graveyard Busybody's power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards with flavor text in your graveyards.

{3}{G}: Roll a six-sided die. Ground Pounder gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.

Whenever you roll a 5 or higher on a die, Ground Pounder gains trample until end of turn.

Roll a six-sided die. Target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.

{2}, {T}: Create a 2/2 colorless Homunculus creature token. It must be represented by a unique hand and two fingers at all times, or it ceases to exist.

As Hardy of Myra's Marvels enters the battlefield, choose a number.

Whenever you cast a spell with the chosen number of lines of flavor text, put that many +1/+1 counters on target creature.

Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)

Whenever you cast a spell, you may have target player mill X cards, where X is the number of words in that spell's name.

As Hydradoodle enters the battlefield, roll X six-sided dice. Hydradoodle enters the battlefield with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the total of those results.

Reach, trample

Each +1/+1 counter on a creature you control is also a Food token. (It's an artifact with "{2}, {T}, Sacrifice this artifact: You gain 3 life.")

{3}{G}, {T}: Roll two six-sided dice. For each odd result, put a +1/+1 counter on a creature of your choice. Activate only as a sorcery.

Assemble X Contraptions. (To assemble a Contraption, put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

{2}{G}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. It becomes a green Die creature token with power and toughness each equal to its result.

{2}{U}, {T}: Reroll any die. (Activate only any time it makes sense.)