Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Whenever you cast a spell, note the first letter of its artist's name. If that letter wasn't already noted, put a +1/+1 counter on Abstract Iguanart.

Whenever you cast a wordy spell, scry 2. (A spell is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

{1}{R}, {T}: Choose target creature you don't control. Reveal the top card of your library. Alexander Clamilton gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the number of lines of rules text of the revealed card. Alexander Clamilton fights that creature.

Enchant your library

Enchanted library is an artifact creature on the battlefield with power and toughness each equal to the number of cards in it. It's still a library.

If enchanted library would leave the battlefield, exile Animate Library instead.

Hexproof

Whenever you roll a die, put a number of luck counters on As Luck Would Have It equal to the result. Then if there are 100 or more luck counters on As Luck Would Have It, you win the game. (Count both rolls if you reroll a die.)

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.

Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.

Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Trample

Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.

B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

As B.O.B. enters the battlefield, create four 1/1 blue Beeble creature tokens.

The number of loyalty counters on B.O.B. is equal to the number of Beebles you control. (Create or sacrifice Beebles whenever B.O.B. gains or loses loyalty.)

+1: Up to X target Beebles can't be blocked this turn, where X is the number of cards in your hand.

-1: Draw a card.

Baron Von Count enters the battlefield with a doom counter on "5."

Whenever you cast a spell with the indicated numeral in its mana cost, text box, power, or toughness, move the doom counter one numeral to the left.

When the doom counter moves from "1," destroy target player and put that doom counter on "5."

{T}: Add {C}.

{3}{G}, {T}, Sacrifice Blighted Woodland: Search your library for up to two basic land cards, put them onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

As Boomstacker enters the battlefield and whenever it attacks, stack two dice on top of it. (All dice must be stacked vertically, one on top of another.)

Boomstacker gets +1/+1 for each die in its stack.

Boomstacker attacks each combat if able.

When the stack falls, sacrifice Boomstacker.

Whenever you cast a silver-bordered spell, put a +1/+1 counter on Border Guardian.

Whenever you cast a black-bordered spell, Border Guardian can't be blocked this turn.

Whenever you cast a white-bordered spell, Border Guardian gains double strike until end of turn.

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

Spells you cast cost {1} less to cast.

You must speak in a voice other than your normal voice.

When you speak in your normal voice, sacrifice Bronze Calendar.

As Censorship enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.

Flying

When Clocknapper enters the battlefield, choose beginning phase, precombat main phase, combat phase, postcombat main phase, or ending phase. Steal that phase from target player during their next turn. (That phase occurs as though it's your turn instead.)

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.

When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice Common Courtesy.

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Deathcap Glade enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more other lands.

{T}: Add {B} or {G}.

Deserted Beach enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more other lands.

{T}: Add {W} or {U}.

Dreamroot Cascade enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more other lands.

{T}: Add {G} or {U}.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.

{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.

{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

{T}, Sacrifice Evolving Wilds: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

When GO TO JAIL enters the battlefield, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.

At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.

You gain 1 life for each person who high-fives you in the next thirty seconds. Each player in an Un-game who high-fives you gains 1 life. (Offer high fives. Don't hit people.)

Roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, Goblin Tutor has no effect. Otherwise, search your library for the indicated card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

2 -- A card named Goblin Tutor

3 -- An enchantment

4 -- An artifact

5 -- A creature

6 -- An instant or sorcery

All graveyards are also your graveyards.

Graveyard Busybody's power and toughness are each equal to the number of cards with flavor text in your graveyards.

Haunted Ridge enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more other lands.

{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

You have ten seconds to look at and rearrange the cards in your library. At the end of those ten seconds, if you're touching one or more of those cards, shuffle.

As Ineffable Blessing enters the battlefield, choose white-bordered or silver-bordered.

Whenever a creature with the chosen border enters the battlefield under your control, draw a card.

(This creature has INFINITE POWER.)

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. On a 3 or 4, put a +1/+1 counter on Inhumaniac. On a 5 or higher, put two +1/+1 counters on it. On a 1, remove all +1/+1 counters from Inhumaniac.

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.

1 -- Sacrifice Jack-in-the-Mox and you lose 5 life.

2 -- Add {W}.

3 -- Add {U}.

4 -- Add {B}.

5 -- Add {R}.

6 -- Add {G}.

{4}: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Destroy target nonblack creature.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

First strike

{1}{W}, Do the Hokey Pokey: Prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to Knight of the Hokey Pokey this turn. (To do the Hokey Pokey, choose an arm, a leg, or your whole self and put it in. Put it out. Put it in. Shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey! Turn yourself around.)

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

Ban a card other than a basic land card for the rest of the match. (All cards with that name in any zone or sideboard are removed from the match.)

Enchant creature

As Loose Lips enters the battlefield, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.

Enchanted creature has flying.

Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

{U}: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

When Mine, Mine, Mine! enters the battlefield, each player puts their library into their hand.

Players have no maximum hand size and don't lose the game for drawing from an empty library.

Each player can't cast more than one spell each turn.

When Mine, Mine, Mine! leaves the battlefield, each player shuffles their hand and graveyard into their library.

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

({T}: Add {R}.)

({T}: Add {R}.)

({T}: Add {R}.)

({T}: Add {R}.)

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

Myriad Landscape enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add {C}.

{2}, {T}, Sacrifice Myriad Landscape: Search your library for up to two basic land cards that share a land type, put them onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control permanents with names that include all twenty-six letters of the English alphabet, you win the game.

Choose one --

• Destroy each creature with an odd number of words in its name. (Hyphenated words are one word.)

• Destroy each creature with an even number of words in its name.

When Ol' Buzzbark enters the battlefield, roll X six-sided dice onto the battlefield from a height of at least X inches. For each die, put a number of +1/+1 counters equal to the result on each creature you control that die is touching. For each die, Ol' Buzzbark deals damage equal to the result to each creature an opponent controls that die is touching.

Creature cards in graveyards can attack and block as though they were on the battlefield, can block or be blocked only by creature cards in graveyards, are Zombies in addition to their other types, and have undeathtouch. (If they would deal damage to a creature card, exile that creature card instead.)

Creature cards in your graveyard have haste.

Overgrown Farmland enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more other lands.

{T}: Add {G} or {W}.

{2}{G}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. It becomes a green Die creature token with power and toughness each equal to its result.

{2}{U}, {T}: Reroll any die. (Activate only any time it makes sense.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

As Rings a Bell enters the battlefield, choose a word with four or more letters.

After you say the chosen word for the first time each turn, an opponent may ring or imitate a bell within five seconds. When no opponent does, draw a card.

Rockfall Vale enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more other lands.

{T}: Add {R} or {G}.

Shattered Sanctum enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more other lands.

{T}: Add {W} or {B}.

Shipwreck Marsh enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more other lands.

{T}: Add {U} or {B}.

As Six-y Beast enters the battlefield, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice Six-y Beast after it enters the battlefield.

When Spirit of the Season enters the battlefield, it gains haste if it's summer. Put a +1/+1 counter on it if it's autumn. You gain 5 life if it's winter. If it's spring, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

As Staff of the Letter Magus enters the battlefield, choose a consonant other than N, R, S, or T.

Whenever a player casts a spell, you gain 1 life for each time the chosen letter appears in that spell's name.

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Stormcarved Coast enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more other lands.

{T}: Add {U} or {R}.

Roll a six-sided die. Strategy, Schmategy has the indicated effect.

1 -- Do nothing.

2 -- Destroy all artifacts.

3 -- Destroy all lands.

4 -- Strategy, Schmategy deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.

5 -- Each player discards their hand and draws seven cards.

6 -- Repeat this process two more times.

Sundown Pass enters the battlefield tapped unless you control two or more other lands.

{T}: Add {R} or {W}.

({T}: Add {B}.)

({T}: Add {B}.)

({T}: Add {B}.)

({T}: Add {B}.)

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.

Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.

Equip {2}

{T}, Sacrifice Terramorphic Expanse: Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle.

{2}{B/R}{B/R}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Brainiac creature tokens equal to the result.

Tap three untapped Brainiacs you control: The next time you would roll a six-sided die, instead roll two six-sided dice and use the total of those results.

{4}: You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield.

The phases of each player's turn are reversed. (The phases are, in reverse order, ending, postcombat main, combat, precombat main, and beginning.)

As long as there are more than two players in the game, the turn order is reversed.

{T}: Add {C}.

{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

+1: Head to AskUrza.com and click +1.

-1: Head to AskUrza.com and click -1.

-6: Head to AskUrza.com and click -6.

As Water Gun Balloon Game enters the battlefield, each player puts a pop! counter on "0."

Whenever a player casts a spell, move that player's pop! counter up one.

Whenever a player's pop! counter hits "5," that player creates a 5/5 pink Giant Teddy Bear creature token and resets all pop! counters to "0."

Reach

Whenever you roll a 4 or higher on a die, put a +1/+1 counter on Willing Test Subject.

{6}: Roll a six-sided die.

All creatures have haste.

Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.

Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.

At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents.