Sacrifice Amateur Auteur: Destroy target enchantment.

Destroy target silver-bordered or acorn permanent in any game you can see from your seat.

{1}{B}, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.

Baron Von Count enters the battlefield with a doom counter on "5."

Whenever you cast a spell with the indicated numeral in its mana cost, text box, power, or toughness, move the doom counter one numeral to the left.

When the doom counter moves from "1," destroy target player and put that doom counter on "5."

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Goblin creature tokens equal to the result.

Flying

Gotcha -- If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

Flying

At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.

Flying

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 6, sacrifice Chicken Egg and create a 4/4 red Giant Bird creature token.

Whenever a 6 is rolled on a six-sided die, put a +1/+1 counter on each Bird. (You may roll dice only when instructed to.)

Tap an untapped Bird you control: Roll a six-sided die. (Like now.)

Whenever you roll a 4 or higher on a die, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

If you roll a 3 on a six-sided die, you may reroll that die.

At the beginning of each opponent's upkeep, that player moves a permanent they control to touch Cramped Bunker and no other permanents. If the player can't, destroy each permanent they control that isn't touching Cramped Bunker, then sacrifice it.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.

Squirrellink (Damage dealt by this creature also causes you to create that many 1/1 green Squirrel creature tokens.)

Creature tokens you control are Squirrels in addition to their other creature types.

Other Squirrels you control get +1/+1.

As Elvish Impersonators enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.

Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

During your turn, if Entirely Normal Armchair is in your hand, you may hide it on the battlefield.

{0}: Return Entirely Normal Armchair to its owner's hand. Only your opponents may activate this ability and only if they see Entirely Normal Armchair.

{2}, Sacrifice Entirely Normal Armchair: Destroy target attacking creature.

{1}, {T}: Scry 2.

{1}, {T}, Pay 1 life: Create a 0/1 white Goat creature token.

{7}, {T}, Sacrifice Everythingamajig: Choose target player. At the beginning of the next end step, exchange life totals with that player, exchange control of all permanents you and that player control, and exchange cards in your hands, cards in your libraries, and cards in your graveyards.

Destroy target creature, then assemble a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Put target nonland permanent into your hand. You may spend mana as though it were mana of any color the next time you cast that card.

Flip X coins. For each flip you win, create a 2/2 green Sheep creature token named Rabid Sheep.

As Form of the Squirrel enters the battlefield, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token. You lose the game when that creature leaves the battlefield.

Creatures can't attack you.

You have shroud.

You can't cast spells.

{G}, {T}: Return target card with a ½ on it from your graveyard to your hand.

{1}{G}: Roll two six-sided dice. If both results are the same, Free-Range Chicken gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is that result. If the total of those results is equal to any other total you have rolled this turn for this ability, sacrifice it. (For example, if you roll two 3s, it gets +3/+3. If you roll a 4 and a 2 for this ability later that turn, sacrifice it.)

When GO TO JAIL enters the battlefield, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.

At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.

You gain 1 life for each person who high-fives you in the next thirty seconds. Each player in an Un-game who high-fives you gains 1 life. (Offer high fives. Don't hit people.)

{R}, {T}: Reflip any coin or reroll any die. (Activate only any time it makes sense.)

If Goblin Bowling Team would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus the result of a six-sided die roll to that permanent or player instead.

When you speak, sacrifice Goblin Mime.

You gain life equal to your age.

{2}: Greater Morphling gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.

{2}: Untap Greater Morphling.

{3}{G}: Roll a six-sided die. Ground Pounder gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.

Whenever you roll a 5 or higher on a die, Ground Pounder gains trample until end of turn.

Roll a six-sided die. Target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.

Combined, enchanted, and equipped creatures you control have menace.

{3}{B}{R}, {T}: Put two target creature cards from graveyards onto the battlefield combined into one creature under your control. (Its power is equal to their total power, its toughness is equal to their total toughness, and it has their names, mana costs, types, text boxes, etc.)

{2}, {T}: Create a 2/2 colorless Homunculus creature token. It must be represented by a unique hand and two fingers at all times, or it ceases to exist.

As Hangman enters the battlefield, secretly note a word with six to eight letters.

{1}: Target player who doesn't control Hangman guesses the noted word or an unguessed letter in that word. If they guess wrong, put a +1/+1 counter on Hangman. Any player may activate this ability.

When a player guesses the noted word or all of its letters, sacrifice Hangman.

As Hydradoodle enters the battlefield, roll X six-sided dice. Hydradoodle enters the battlefield with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the total of those results.

Reach, trample

Assemble X Contraptions. (To assemble a Contraption, put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Flying, first strike

{1}{B}, Reveal Infernal Spawn of Evil from your hand, Say "It's coming!": Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 1 damage to target opponent or planeswalker. Activate only during your upkeep and only once each turn.

(This creature has INFINITE POWER.)

Whenever another artifact enters the battlefield under your control, put a +1/+1 counter on Jackknight. If that artifact is a Contraption, Jackknight gains lifelink until end of turn.

When Joyride Rigger enters the battlefield, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Flying

As Jumbo Imp enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die. Jumbo Imp enters the battlefield with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die and put a number of +1/+1 counters on Jumbo Imp equal to the result.

At the beginning of your end step, roll a six-sided die and remove a number of +1/+1 counters from Jumbo Imp equal to the result.

Just Desserts deals π damage to target creature. (π is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. (It's a smidgen more than 3.))

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Destroy target nonblack creature.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

{5}, {T}, Sacrifice Kindslaver: A person outside the game controls target player during that player's next turn. Neither player may advise that person until the end of that turn.

First strike, protection from two-word names (Nothing with exactly two words in its name can block, target, deal damage to, or attach to this creature. Hyphenated words are one word.)

If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. If you a roll a 1, sacrifice Krazy Kow and it deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.

Gotcha -- If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

Enchant creature

As Magic Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whisper the chosen word: Tap enchanted creature.

As Meddling Kids enters the battlefield, choose a word with four or more letters.

Spells with the chosen word in their text box can't be cast.

Stand up, Flap your arms, Cluck like a chicken: Mesa Chicken gains flying until end of turn.

Flying, first strike

At the beginning of each other player's upkeep, you may compliment that player on their game play. If you don't, sacrifice Miss Demeanor.

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

Flying

Novellamental can block only creatures with flying.

Choose one --

• Destroy each creature with an odd number of words in its name. (Hyphenated words are one word.)

• Destroy each creature with an even number of words in its name.

When Ol' Buzzbark enters the battlefield, roll X six-sided dice onto the battlefield from a height of at least X inches. For each die, put a number of +1/+1 counters equal to the result on each creature you control that die is touching. For each die, Ol' Buzzbark deals damage equal to the result to each creature an opponent controls that die is touching.

{W}, {T}: Tap target creature without reminder text. (Reminder text is still any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Flying

Old-Fashioned Vampire gets +2/+2 and has deathtouch as long as it's dark outdoors.

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. Painiac gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is the result.

Creatures named Rock Lobster can't attack or block.

Phoebe, Head of S.N.E.A.K. can't be blocked by creatures with flavor text.

{2}{U}{B}: Phoebe permanently steals target creature's text box. (That creature loses all rules text, flavor text, and watermarks. This creature gains them.)

Flying

Whenever a creature dies, you may roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, sacrifice Poultrygeist. Otherwise, put a +1/+1 counter on Poultrygeist.

Each player sacrifices all permanents that are rare or mythic rare, then each player reveals their hand and discards all cards that are rare or mythic rare.

Creatures named Scissors Lizard can't attack or block.

{2}, {T}: Rod of Spanking deals 1 damage to target player. Then untap Rod of Spanking unless that player says "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

A person outside the game chooses an attacking or blocking creature target opponent controls. That player sacrifices that creature.

Sauté deals 3½ damage to any target.

Creatures named Paper Tiger can't attack or block.

{0}: Choose one. You may activate this ability while Shellephant is in any zone.

• Shellephant has base power and toughness 1/4.

• Shellephant has base power and toughness 3/3.

As Six-y Beast enters the battlefield, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice Six-y Beast after it enters the battlefield.

Just a second (As long as this spell is on the stack, players can't move cards on the battlefield.)

Slaying Mantis enters the battlefield by being thrown from a distance of at least three feet.

When Slaying Mantis enters the battlefield, it fights each creature an opponent controls that it touched as it entered.

Counter target spell.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.

Counter target spell, then assemble a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

When Squirrel Dealer enters the battlefield, ask a person outside the game "Do you like Squirrels?" If they do, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

{1}{G}: Reveal a card in your hand, covering the artist credit. Target opponent guesses the artist. If they guess wrong, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

Increase the result of each die you roll by 2.

Deathtouch

When Steady-Handed Mook enters the battlefield, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

Target player discards a card.

Gotcha -- If an opponent audibly flicks the cards in their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Stop That from your graveyard to your hand.

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put all creature cards revealed this way onto the battlefield under your control. They're Zombies in addition to their other types. (Remove those cards from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Trample (This spell can deal excess damage to its target's controller.)

Super-Duper Death Ray deals 4 damage to target creature.

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.

Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.

Equip {2}

The Grand Calcutron can be your commander.

When The Grand Calcutron enters the battlefield, each player's hand becomes a program (an ordered row of revealed cards).

Players can only play the first card of their program.

If a card would be put into a player's hand from anywhere, that player reveals it and places it anywhere within their program instead.

At the beginning of each player's end step, if that player's program has fewer than five cards, they draw cards equal to the difference.

Triple strike (This creature deals first-strike, regular, and last-strike combat damage.)

Roll a six-sided die. Put target nonland permanent into its owner's library just beneath the top X cards of that library, where X is the result.

Cumulative upkeep--Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it--without pausing between or fumbling it.)

+1: Head to AskUrza.com and click +1.

-1: Head to AskUrza.com and click -1.

-6: Head to AskUrza.com and click -6.

Choose two --

• Draw a card from an opponent's library.

• Copy target instant or sorcery spell. You may choose new targets for the copy.

• Until end of turn, target creature loses all abilities and becomes a blue Frog with base power and toughness 1/1.

• Create a 1/1 colorless Gnome artifact creature token.

As Water Gun Balloon Game enters the battlefield, each player puts a pop! counter on "0."

Whenever a player casts a spell, move that player's pop! counter up one.

Whenever a player's pop! counter hits "5," that player creates a 5/5 pink Giant Teddy Bear creature token and resets all pop! counters to "0."

Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.

Target player gains X life.

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Destroy target artifact.

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Counter target creature spell.

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Destroy target land.

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Destroy target enchantment.

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

Assemble two Contraptions. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets. Then repeat this process.)

When Wrench-Rigger enters the battlefield, it assembles a Contraption. (Put the top card of your Contraption deck face up onto one of your sprockets.)

target creature gets -x/-x until end of turn, where x is the number of times a capital letter appears in its rules text. (ignore reminder text and flavor text.)