At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run! It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

Haste

As long as Anger is in your graveyard and you control a Mountain, creatures you control have haste.

Hexproof

Whenever you roll a die, put a number of luck counters on As Luck Would Have It equal to the result. Then if there are 100 or more luck counters on As Luck Would Have It, you win the game. (Count both rolls if you reroll a die.)

Trample

Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.

B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

Blurry (This creature can be blocked only if defending player was wearing glasses as it was cast.)

Whenever Blurry Beeble deals combat damage to a player, you may draw a card. If you do, discard a card.

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

Whenever any player taps a permanent, that player chooses one of their opponents. The chosen player gains control of that permanent at the beginning of the next end step.

At the beginning of each player's end step, if that player didn't tap any nonland permanents that turn, Burning Cinder Fury of Crimson Chaos Fire deals 3 damage to that player.

As Censorship enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.

Flying

Whenever Clambassadors deals damage to a player, choose an artifact, creature, or land you control. That player gains control of that permanent.

Flying

{1}, Throw Clay Pigeon into the air at least two feet above your head while seated: If you catch Clay Pigeon with one hand, prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to you this turn and tap Clay Pigeon. Otherwise, sacrifice it.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Flying

When Double Header enters the battlefield, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

{1}, {T}: Scry 2.

{1}, {T}, Pay 1 life: Create a 0/1 white Goat creature token.

{7}, {T}, Sacrifice Everythingamajig: Choose target player. At the beginning of the next end step, exchange life totals with that player, exchange control of all permanents you and that player control, and exchange cards in your hands, cards in your libraries, and cards in your graveyards.

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

({T}: Add {G}.)

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

Gus enters the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter on it for each Magic game you have lost to one of your opponents since you last won a game against them.

You have ten seconds to look at and rearrange the cards in your library. At the end of those ten seconds, if you're touching one or more of those cards, shuffle.

Denimwalk (This creature can't be blocked as long as defending player is wearing denim.)

When you speak in non-rhyming sentences, sacrifice I'm Rubber, You're Glue.

Say "I'm rubber, you're glue. Everything bounces off me and sticks to you": Change the target of target spell or ability that targets only you.

(This creature has INFINITE POWER.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

({T}: Add {U}.)

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.

1 -- Sacrifice Jack-in-the-Mox and you lose 5 life.

2 -- Add {W}.

3 -- Add {U}.

4 -- Add {B}.

5 -- Add {R}.

6 -- Add {G}.

{4}: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

Flying

As Jumbo Imp enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die. Jumbo Imp enters the battlefield with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die and put a number of +1/+1 counters on Jumbo Imp equal to the result.

At the beginning of your end step, roll a six-sided die and remove a number of +1/+1 counters from Jumbo Imp equal to the result.

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

When Letter Bomb enters the battlefield, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw Letter Bomb. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Equipped creature has haste and shroud. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities.)

Equip {0}

As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.

As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.

Mirror Mirror enters the battlefield tapped.

{7}, {T}, Sacrifice Mirror Mirror: Choose target player. At the beginning of the next end step, exchange life totals with that player, exchange control of all permanents you and that player control, and exchange cards in your hands, cards in your libraries, and cards in your graveyards.

({T}: Add {R}.)

({T}: Add {R}.)

({T}: Add {R}.)

({T}: Add {R}.)

({T}: Add {R}.)

({T}: Add {R}.)

({T}: Add {R}.)

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

Whenever a creature deals damage to a player, that player may say "Ow" once for each permanent named Ow. If the player doesn't, Ow deals 1 damage to them.

Haste

You can attack with Party Crasher once each combat during each opponent's turn.

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

({T}: Add {W}.)

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Did you know this creature has flying?

Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?

Whenever Red-Hot Hottie deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."

Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))

Intimidate (This creature can't be blocked except by artifact creatures and/or creatures that share a color with it.)

When Sepulchral Primordial enters the battlefield, for each opponent, you may put up to one target creature card from that player's graveyard onto the battlefield under your control.

Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has trample and lifelink.

{1}: Permanents your opponents control lose hexproof and indestructible until end of turn.

Equip {2}

{0}: Choose one. You may activate this ability while Shellephant is in any zone.

• Shellephant has base power and toughness 1/4.

• Shellephant has base power and toughness 3/3.

You and target opponent arm-wrestle. If you win, create a 3/3 green Ape creature token.

As Six-y Beast enters the battlefield, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice Six-y Beast after it enters the battlefield.

Whenever Smart Ass attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, Smart Ass can't be blocked this turn.

{T}: Add {C}{C}.

Counter target spell.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.

When Spirit of the Season enters the battlefield, it gains haste if it's summer. Put a +1/+1 counter on it if it's autumn. You gain 5 life if it's winter. If it's spring, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

As long as you're standing, Standing Army has vigilance.

Whenever Stone-Cold Basilisk blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)

Whenever an opponent reads Stone-Cold Basilisk, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

Target creature gets +2/+2 until end of turn. If it's a host or has augment, it gains lifelink until end of turn.

Target creature gets +3½/+3½ until end of turn.

({T}: Add {B}.)

({T}: Add {B}.)

({T}: Add {B}.)

({T}: Add {B}.)

({T}: Add {B}.)

({T}: Add {B}.)

({T}: Add {B}.)

Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.

Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.

Equip {2}

As Temp of the Damned enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die. Temp of the Damned enters the battlefield with a number of funk counters on it equal to the result.

At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a funk counter from Temp of the Damned. If you can't, sacrifice it.

{2}{B/R}{B/R}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. Create a number of 1/1 red Brainiac creature tokens equal to the result.

Tap three untapped Brainiacs you control: The next time you would roll a six-sided die, instead roll two six-sided dice and use the total of those results.

The Fallen Apart enters the battlefield with two arms and two legs.

Whenever damage is dealt to The Fallen Apart, remove an arm or a leg from it.

The Fallen Apart can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.

Triple strike (This creature deals first-strike, regular, and last-strike combat damage.)

{4}: You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield.

{T}: Add {C}.

{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.

{2}: Roll a six-sided die. Urza's Science Fair Project gets the indicated result.

1 -- It gets -2/-2 until end of turn.

2 -- Prevent all combat damage it would deal this turn.

3 -- It gains vigilance until end of turn.

4 -- It gains first strike until end of turn.

5 -- It gains flying until end of turn.

6 -- It gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches Vile Bile, that player loses 2 life.

Defender

You may tap an untapped Wall you control to have any player reroll a die that player rolled.

When this creature enters the battlefield, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

As Working Stiff enters the battlefield, straighten your arms.

When you bend an elbow, sacrifice Working Stiff.