Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.
{W}
Adorable Kitten
Host Creature - Cat
When this creature enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die. You gain life equal to the result.
1 /
1
{1}{U}
Aquamoeba
Creature - Elemental Beast
Discard a card: Switch Aquamoeba's power and toughness until end of turn.
1 /
3
{2}{U}{U}
Avatar of Me
Creature - Avatar
This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.
* /
*
--
B.O.B.
{2}{W}{W}
Battle Screech
Sorcery
Create two 1/1 white Bird creature tokens with flying.
Flashback--Tap three untapped white creatures you control. (You may cast this card from your graveyard for its flashback cost. Then exile it.)
{U/R}
Blistercoil Weird
Creature - Weird
Whenever you cast an instant or sorcery spell, Blistercoil Weird gets +1/+1 until end of turn. Untap it.
1 /
1
{1}{U}
Brain Freeze
Instant
Target player mills three cards.
Storm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each spell cast before it this turn. You may choose new targets for the copies.)
{U}
Brainstorm
Instant
Draw three cards, then put two cards from your hand on top of your library in any order.
{1}{W}
Brilliant Halo
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +1/+2.
When Brilliant Halo is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, return Brilliant Halo to its owner's hand.
{1}{U}
Carnivorous Death-Parrot
Creature - Bird
Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.
2 /
2
{1}{G}{W}
Centaur Healer
Creature - Centaur Cleric
When Centaur Healer enters the battlefield, you gain 3 life.
3 /
3
{U}{U}{U}
Cheatyface
Creature - Efreet
If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying
2 /
2
{1}{U}{U}
Chicken à la King
Creature - Bird Noble
Whenever a 6 is rolled on a six-sided die, put a +1/+1 counter on each Bird. (You may roll dice only when instructed to.)
Tap an untapped Bird you control: Roll a six-sided die. (Like now.)
2 /
2
{3}
Chromatic Lantern
Artifact
Lands you control have "{T}: Add one mana of any color."
{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{0}
Chrome Mox
Artifact
Imprint -- When Chrome Mox enters the battlefield, you may exile a nonartifact, nonland card from your hand.
{T}: Add one mana of any of the exiled card's colors.
{1}{W}
Circle of Protection: Art
Enchantment
As Circle of Protection: Art enters the battlefield, choose an artist.
{1}{W}: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.
{1}{W}: Return Circle of Protection: Art to its owner's hand.
{2}{U}{U}
Common Courtesy
Enchantment
Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.
When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice Common Courtesy.
{3}{W}
Crescendo of War
Enchantment
At the beginning of each upkeep, put a strife counter on Crescendo of War.
Attacking creatures get +1/+0 for each strife counter on Crescendo of War.
Blocking creatures you control get +1/+0 for each strife counter on Crescendo of War.
{1}{U}
Crosstown Courier
Creature - Vedalken
Whenever Crosstown Courier deals combat damage to a player, that player mills that many cards.
2 /
1
{5}{G}
Death's Presence
Enchantment
Whenever a creature you control dies, put X +1/+1 counters on target creature you control, where X is the power of the creature that died.
{G}{W}{U}
Derevi, Empyrial Tactician
Legendary Creature - Bird Wizard
Flying
Whenever Derevi, Empyrial Tactician enters the battlefield or a creature you control deals combat damage to a player, you may tap or untap target permanent.
{1}{G}{W}{U}: Put Derevi onto the battlefield from the command zone.
2 /
3
{1}{U}
Doorkeeper
Creature - Homunculus
Defender
{2}{U}, {T}: Target player mills X cards, where X is the number of creatures you control with defender.
0 /
4
{3}{U}{U}
Double Header
Creature - Drake
Flying
When Double Header enters the battlefield, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.
2 /
3
{3}{G}
Elvish Impersonators
Creature - Elves
As Elvish Impersonators enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.
* /
*
{2}{W}
Emcee
Creature - Human Rogue
Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.
0 /
1
{W}
Erase
Instant
Exile target enchantment.
{U}
Faerie Impostor
Creature - Faerie Rogue
Flying
When Faerie Impostor enters the battlefield, sacrifice it unless you return another creature you control to its owner's hand.
2 /
1
{1}{W}{W}
Fascist Art Director
Creature - Human Horror
{W}{W}: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.
2 /
2
{2}{U}
Flaccify
Instant
Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.
--
Forest
Basic Land - Forest
({T}: Add {G}.)
--
Forest
Basic Land - Forest
({T}: Add {G}.)
--
Forest
Basic Land - Forest
({T}: Add {G}.)
{W}
GO TO JAIL
Enchantment
When GO TO JAIL enters the battlefield, exile target creature an opponent controls until GO TO JAIL leaves the battlefield.
At the beginning of the upkeep of the exiled card's owner, that player rolls two six-sided dice. If they roll doubles, sacrifice GO TO JAIL.
{1}{G}
Gatecreeper Vine
Creature - Plant
Defender
When Gatecreeper Vine enters the battlefield, you may search your library for a basic land card or a Gate card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
0 /
2
{1}{W}
Gilded Light
Instant
You gain shroud until end of turn. (You can't be the target of spells or abilities.)
Cycling {2} ({2}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)
{3}{B/G}{B/G}
Golgari Longlegs
Creature - Insect
5 /
4
{2}{G/W}{G/W}
Growing Ranks
Enchantment
At the beginning of your upkeep, populate. (Create a token that's a copy of a creature token you control.)
{1}{G}
Growth Spurt
Instant
Roll a six-sided die. Target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.
--
Half-Squirrel, Half-
Creature - Squirrel
Whenever a nontoken creature enters the battlefield,
Augment {G} ({G}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)
-1 /
-0
--
Humming-
Creature - Bird
Flying
Whenever you attack with two or more creatures,
Augment {3}{W} ({3}{W}, Reveal this card from your hand: Combine it with target host. Augment only as a sorcery.)
+2 /
+3
{1}{U}
Inaction Injunction
Sorcery
Detain target creature an opponent controls. (Until your next turn, that creature can't attack or block and its activated abilities can't be activated.)
Draw a card.
--
Island
Basic Land - Island
({T}: Add {U}.)
--
Island
Basic Land - Island
({T}: Add {U}.)
--
Island
Basic Land - Island
({T}: Add {U}.)
--
Island
Basic Land - Island
({T}: Add {U}.)
{0}
Jack-in-the-Mox
Artifact
{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.
1 -- Sacrifice Jack-in-the-Mox and you lose 5 life.
2 -- Add {W}.
3 -- Add {U}.
4 -- Add {B}.
5 -- Add {R}.
6 -- Add {G}.
{2}{U}{U}
Johnny, Combo Player
Legendary Creature - Human Gamer
{4}: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.
If you would roll a die, instead roll two of those dice and ignore one of those results.
--
Lonely Sandbar
Land
Lonely Sandbar enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {U}.
Cycling {U} ({U}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)
{5}{W}{W}
Look at Me, I'm the DCI
Sorcery
Ban a card other than a basic land card for the rest of the match. (All cards with that name in any zone or sideboard are removed from the match.)
{1}{W}{W}
Man of Measure
Creature - Human Knight
As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.
As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.
2 /
2
{2}{U}
Man-o'-War
Creature - Jellyfish
When Man-o'-War enters the battlefield, return target creature to its owner's hand.
2 /
2
{1}
Mana Screw
Artifact
{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.
{4}{U}
Mer Man
Host Creature - Human Fish
When this creature enters the battlefield, you may draw a card.
3 /
3
{U}
Mise
Instant
Choose a nonland card name, then reveal the top card of your library. If that card has the chosen name, you draw three cards.
{4}{G}
Mother Kangaroo
Host Creature - Kangaroo
When this creature enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die. Put a number of +1/+1 counters on this creature equal to the result.
1 /
1
{0}
Mox Amber
Legendary Artifact
{T}: Add one mana of any color among legendary creatures and planeswalkers you control.
{0}
Mox Diamond
Artifact
If Mox Diamond would enter the battlefield, you may discard a land card instead. If you do, put Mox Diamond onto the battlefield. If you don't, put it into its owner's graveyard.
{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{0}
Mox Emerald
Artifact
{T}: Add {G}.
{0}
Mox Opal
Legendary Artifact
Metalcraft -- {T}: Add one mana of any color. Activate only if you control three or more artifacts.
{0}
Mox Pearl
Artifact
{T}: Add {W}.
{0}
Mox Sapphire
Artifact
{T}: Add {U}.
--
Mox Tantalite
Artifact
Suspend 3--{0} (Rather than cast this card from your hand, pay {0} and exile it with three time counters on it. At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a time counter. When the last is removed, cast it without paying its mana cost.)
{T}: Add one mana of any color.
{2}{U}
Number Crunch
Instant
Return target permanent to its owner's hand.
Gotcha -- If an opponent says a number, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Number Crunch from your graveyard to your hand.
{2}{G}
Oak Street Innkeeper
Creature - Elf
As long as it's not your turn, tapped creatures you control have hexproof.
1 /
2
{2}{W}
Ordinary Pony
Host Creature - Horse
When this creature enters the battlefield, you may exile target non-Horse creature you control that wasn't put onto the battlefield with this ability this turn, then return it to the battlefield under its owner's control.
2 /
3
{1}{U}
Owl Familiar
Creature - Bird
Flying
When Owl Familiar enters the battlefield, draw a card, then discard a card.
1 /
1
{4}
Paper Tiger
Artifact Creature - Cat
Creatures named Rock Lobster can't attack or block.
4 /
3
{3}{W}
Phantom General
Creature - Spirit Soldier
Creature tokens you control get +1/+1.
2 /
3
{2}{G}
Pippa, Duchess of Dice
Legendary Creature - Human Noble
{2}{G}, {T}: Roll a six-sided die. It becomes a green Die creature token with power and toughness each equal to its result.
{2}{U}, {T}: Reroll any die. (Activate only any time it makes sense.)
2 /
2
--
Plains
Basic Land - Plains
({T}: Add {W}.)
--
Plains
Basic Land - Plains
({T}: Add {W}.)
--
Plains
Basic Land - Plains
({T}: Add {W}.)
--
Plains
Basic Land - Plains
({T}: Add {W}.)
--
Reliquary Tower
Land
You have no maximum hand size.
{T}: Add {C}.
{1}{U}{U}
Rescind
Instant
Return target permanent to its owner's hand.
Cycling {2} ({2}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)
{4}
Rock Lobster
Artifact Creature - Lobster
Creatures named Scissors Lizard can't attack or block.
4 /
3
--
Savannah
Land - Forest Plains
({T}: Add {G} or {W}.)
{W}
Save Life
Instant
Choose one --
• Target player gains 2½ life.
• Prevent the next 2½ damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn.
Gotcha -- If an opponent says "save" or "life," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Save Life from your graveyard to your hand.
{4}
Scissors Lizard
Artifact Creature - Lizard
Creatures named Paper Tiger can't attack or block.
4 /
3
{4}{U}
Scrivener
Creature - Human Wizard
When Scrivener enters the battlefield, you may return target instant card from your graveyard to your hand.
2 /
2
{W}{U}
Search Warrant
Sorcery
Target player reveals their hand. You gain life equal to the number of cards in that player's hand.
--
Secluded Steppe
Land
Secluded Steppe enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {W}.
Cycling {W} ({W}, Discard this card: Draw a card.)
{1}{G}{G}
Spirit of the Season
Creature - Treefolk Spirit
When Spirit of the Season enters the battlefield, it gains haste if it's summer. Put a +1/+1 counter on it if it's autumn. You gain 5 life if it's winter. If it's spring, search your library for a basic land card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.
3 /
3
{W}{W}
Stoic Champion
Creature - Human Soldier
Whenever a player cycles a card, Stoic Champion gets +2/+2 until end of turn.
2 /
2
{3}{W}
Strutting Turkey
Host Creature - Bird
When this creature enters the battlefield,
exile target creature card with mana value 2 or less from your graveyard. If it has augment, combine it with a host you control. Otherwise, put it onto the battlefield.
2 /
2
{3}{G}
Surgeon General Commander
Legendary Creature - Wombat Bat Chameleon
Whenever you augment, enchant, or mutate a creature you control, draw a card.
{T}: Add {W}, {U}, {B}, {R}, or {G}.
3 /
3
{3}
Sword of Dungeons & Dragons
Artifact - Equipment
Equipped creature gets +2/+2 and has protection from Rogues and from Clerics.
Whenever equipped creature deals combat damage to a player, create a 4/4 gold Dragon creature token with flying and roll a d20 (a twenty-sided die). If you roll a 20, repeat this process.
Equip {2}
{3}{W}{W}
Syr Cadian, Knight Owl
Legendary Creature - Bird Knight
Knightlifelink (Damage dealt by Knights you control also causes you to gain that much life.)
{W}: Syr Cadian, Knight Owl gains vigilance until end of turn. Activate only from sunrise to sunset.
{B}: Syr Cadian, Knight Owl gains flying until end of turn. Activate only from sunset to sunrise.
4 /
4
{4}{U}
Temporal Fissure
Sorcery
Return target permanent to its owner's hand.
Storm (When you cast this spell, copy it for each spell cast before it this turn. You may choose new targets for the copies.)
{4}{U}
Time Out
Instant
Roll a six-sided die. Put target nonland permanent into its owner's library just beneath the top X cards of that library, where X is the result.
{2}{G}{G}
Timmy, Power Gamer
Legendary Creature - Human Gamer
{4}: You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield.
1 /
1
{2}{U}
Tower Drake
Creature - Drake
Flying
{W}: Tower Drake gets +0/+1 until end of turn.
2 /
1
--
Tropical Island
Land - Forest Island
({T}: Add {G} or {U}.)
--
Tundra
Land - Plains Island
({T}: Add {W} or {U}.)
{2}{U}{U}
Turnabout
Instant
Choose artifact, creature, or land. Tap all untapped permanents of the chosen type target player controls, or untap all tapped permanents of that type that player controls.
--
Underdome
Land
{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add one mana of any color. Spend this mana only to pay Un-costs.
{G}
Urban Burgeoning
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant land
Enchanted land has "Untap this land during each other player's untap step."