At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run! It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Flying

Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.

Target player draws three cards.

Enchant artifact

As long as enchanted artifact isn't a creature, it's an artifact creature with power and toughness each equal to its mana value.

Enchant creature card in a graveyard

When Animate Dead enters the battlefield, if it's on the battlefield, it loses "enchant creature card in a graveyard" and gains "enchant creature put onto the battlefield with Animate Dead." Return enchanted creature card to the battlefield under your control and attach Animate Dead to it. When Animate Dead leaves the battlefield, that creature's controller sacrifices it.

Enchanted creature gets -1/-0.

Destroy all lands.

{T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.

Whenever a permanent that shares an artist with another permanent you control enters the battlefield, untap Artful Looter.

{T}, Sacrifice Ashnod's Coupon: Target player gets you target drink. You pay any costs for the drink.

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature gets +X/+Y, where X is half the number of Forests you control, rounded down, and Y is half the number of Forests you control, rounded up.

Destroy target silver-bordered or acorn permanent in any game you can see from your seat.

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.

Whenever another Donkey enters the battlefield, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

Oubleday ikestray

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This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.

Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.

Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

Trample

Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.

B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

{1}{B}, Growl: Regenerate Bad Ass.

Black creatures get +1/+1.

({T}: Add {B} or {R}.)

Each player chooses a number of lands they control equal to the number of lands controlled by the player who controls the fewest, then sacrifices the rest. Players discard cards and sacrifice creatures the same way.

Basalt Monolith doesn't untap during your untap step.

{T}: Add {C}{C}{C}.

{3}: Untap Basalt Monolith.

({T}: Add {B} or {G}.)

Banding (Any creatures with banding, and up to one without, can attack in a band. Bands are blocked as a group. If any creatures with banding you control are blocking or being blocked by a creature, you divide that creature's combat damage, not its controller, among any of the creatures it's being blocked by or is blocking.)

Cast this spell only before the combat damage step.

Target creature gains trample and gets +X/+0 until end of turn, where X is its power. At the beginning of the next end step, destroy that creature if it attacked this turn.

Flying

{T}: Add one mana of any color.

First strike (This creature deals combat damage before creatures without first strike.)

Protection from white (This creature can't be blocked, targeted, dealt damage, or enchanted by anything white.)

{T}, Sacrifice Black Lotus: Add three mana of any one color.

As Black Vise enters the battlefield, choose an opponent.

At the beginning of the chosen player's upkeep, Black Vise deals X damage to that player, where X is the number of cards in their hand minus 4.

{T}: Tear Blacker Lotus into pieces. Add four mana of any one color. Remove the pieces from the game.

Madness {R}, cycling {1}{R}, kicker {2}{R}, flashback {3}{R}, buyback {4}{R}

Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

Cast this spell only during combat before blockers are declared.

Target creature defending player controls can block any number of creatures this turn. It blocks each attacking creature this turn if able.

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

Target player draws X cards.

Radiance -- Brightflame deals X damage to target creature and each other creature that shares a color with it. You gain life equal to the damage dealt this way.

{T}: Target permanent's artist becomes the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Pursuant to subsection 3.1(4) of Richard's Rules of Order, at the beginning of the upkeep of each participant in this game of the Magic: The Gathering® trading card game (hereafter known as "PLAYER"), that PLAYER performs all actions in the sequence of previously added actions (hereafter known as "ACTION QUEUE"), in the order those actions were added, then adds another action to the end of the ACTION QUEUE. All actions must be simple physical or verbal actions that a player can perform while sitting in a chair, without jeopardizing the health and security of said PLAYER.

When any PLAYER does not perform all the prescribed actions in the correct order, sacrifice Bureaucracy and said PLAYER discards their complement of cards in hand (hereafter known as "HAND").

Whenever any player taps a permanent, that player chooses one of their opponents. The chosen player gains control of that permanent at the beginning of the next end step.

At the beginning of each player's end step, if that player didn't tap any nonland permanents that turn, Burning Cinder Fury of Crimson Chaos Fire deals 3 damage to that player.

Bursting Beebles can't be blocked as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.

Cast this spell only during your declare attackers step.

This turn, instead of declaring blockers, each defending player chooses any number of creatures they control and divides them into a number of piles equal to the number of attacking creatures for whom that player is the defending player. Creatures those players control that can block additional creatures may likewise be put into additional piles. Assign each pile to a different one of those attacking creatures at random. Each creature in a pile that can block the creature that pile is assigned to does so. (Piles can be empty.)

Flying

Gotcha -- If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

Flying

At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

Untapped creatures you control get +0/+2.

As Censorship enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whenever a player says the chosen word, Censorship deals 2 damage to that player.

Until end of turn, any time you could activate a mana ability, you may pay 1 life. If you do, add {C}.

{4}, {T}: Tear Chaos Confetti into pieces. Throw the pieces onto the battlefield from a distance of at least five feet. Destroy each permanent that a piece touches. Remove the pieces from the game.

{1}, {T}: If Chaos Orb is on the battlefield, flip Chaos Orb onto the battlefield from a height of at least one foot. If Chaos Orb turns over completely at least once during the flip, destroy all nontoken permanents it touches. Then destroy Chaos Orb.

As Charm School enters the battlefield, choose a color and balance Charm School on your head.

Prevent all damage that would be dealt to you by sources of the chosen color.

When Charm School falls off your head, sacrifice Charm School.

Spells you cast cost {½} less to cast.

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.

Flying

Cast this spell only if there are three or more players in the game.

Whenever a player casts a spell, each of that player's opponents may discard a card. If they do, counter that spell.

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 6, sacrifice Chicken Egg and create a 4/4 red Giant Bird creature token.

Whenever a 6 is rolled on a six-sided die, put a +1/+1 counter on each Bird. (You may roll dice only when instructed to.)

Tap an untapped Bird you control: Roll a six-sided die. (Like now.)

As Circle of Protection: Art enters the battlefield, choose an artist.

{1}{W}: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.

{1}{W}: Return Circle of Protection: Art to its owner's hand.

City of Ass enters the battlefield tapped.

{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

If you roll a 3 on a six-sided die, you may reroll that die.

You may have Clone enter the battlefield as a copy of any creature on the battlefield.

Flying

Whenever Cockatrice blocks or becomes blocked by a non-Wall creature, destroy that creature at end of combat.

{W}, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to you or Collector Protector this turn.

Whenever a player casts a spell without asking your permission while casting it, counter that spell.

When a player asks you permission to cast a spell and you refuse, counter that spell and sacrifice Common Courtesy.

Enchant creature

You control enchanted creature.

You may have Copy Artifact enter the battlefield as a copy of any artifact on the battlefield, except it's an enchantment in addition to its other types.

Counter target spell.

Enchant creature

When enchanted creature dies, Creature Bond deals damage equal to that creature's toughness to the creature's controller.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

White creatures get +1/+1.

Enchant creature

Curse of the Fire Penguin consumes and confuses enchanted creature.

Trample

When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield.

Enchant land

At the beginning of the upkeep of enchanted land's controller, Cursed Land deals 1 damage to that player.

Add {B}{B}{B}.

{0}: Return Deadhead from your graveyard to the battlefield. Activate only if an opponent isn't touching their hand (of cards).

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Regenerate target creature.

{T}: Destroy target land.

At the beginning of your upkeep, unless you pay {B}{B}{B}, tap Demonic Hordes and sacrifice a land of an opponent's choice.

Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

Choose a card name, then target spell's controller reveals their hand. If a card with the chosen name is revealed this way, counter that spell.

Destroy target artifact or enchantment.

Disintegrate deals X damage to any target. If it's a creature, it can't be regenerated this turn, and if it would die this turn, exile it instead.

{3}, {T}: Target player discards a card. Activate only during your turn.

Choose another player. Look at that player's hand and choose a card other than a basic land card from it. They discard that card. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, look at that player's hand and choose a card other than a basic land card from it. They discard that card.

Choose another player. Double Deal deals 3 damage to that player. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, Double Deal deals 3 damage to the player.

Choose another player. You gain 5 life. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, you gain 5 life.

Flying

When Double Header enters the battlefield, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

Choose another player. Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle.

Choose another player. You draw two cards. At the beginning of the first upkeep in your next game with that player, you draw two cards.

Flying

{R}: Dragon Whelp gets +1/+0 until end of turn. If this ability has been activated four or more times this turn, sacrifice Dragon Whelp at the beginning of the next end step.

Spend only black mana on X.

Drain Life deals X damage to any target. You gain life equal to the damage dealt, but not more life than the player's life total before the damage was dealt, the planeswalker's loyalty before the damage was dealt, or the creature's toughness.

As Drawn Together enters the battlefield, choose an artist.

Creatures with art by the chosen artist get +2/+2.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.

Enchant creature

When Earthbind enters the battlefield, if enchanted creature has flying, Earthbind deals 2 damage to that creature and Earthbind gains "Enchanted creature loses flying."

Earthquake deals X damage to each creature without flying and each player.

First strike

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

As Elvish Impersonators enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die twice. Its base power becomes the first result and its base toughness becomes the second result.

Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

Exile target enchantment.

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Cast this spell only during the declare blockers step.

Remove target creature defending player controls from combat. Creatures it was blocking that had become blocked by only that creature this combat become unblocked. You may have it block an attacking creature of your choice.

As Farewell to Arms enters the battlefield, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.

When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

{W}{W}: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.

You may play any number of lands on each of your turns.

Whenever you play a land, if it wasn't the first land you played this turn, Fastbond deals 1 damage to you.

Enchant enchantment

At the beginning of the upkeep of enchanted enchantment's controller, Feedback deals 1 damage to that player.

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each target beyond the first.

Fireball deals X damage divided evenly, rounded down, among any number of targets.

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.

Flip X coins. For each flip you win, create a 2/2 green Sheep creature token named Rabid Sheep.

Trample (This creature can deal excess combat damage to the player or planeswalker it's attacking.)

At the beginning of your upkeep, Force of Nature deals 8 damage to you unless you pay {G}{G}{G}{G}.

{1}: The next time an unblocked creature of your choice would deal combat damage to you this turn, prevent all but 1 of that damage.

Copy target instant or sorcery spell, except that the copy is red. You may choose new targets for the copy.

As Form of the Squirrel enters the battlefield, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token. You lose the game when that creature leaves the battlefield.

Creatures can't attack you.

You have shroud.

You can't cast spells.

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature loses all abilities and is a Bird creature with base power and toughness 1/1.

{G}, {T}: Return target card with a ½ on it from your graveyard to your hand.

Choose an artist. Tap all untapped permanents with art by that artist or untap all tapped permanents with art by that artist.

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

{1}{G}: Roll two six-sided dice. If both results are the same, Free-Range Chicken gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is that result. If the total of those results is equal to any other total you have rolled this turn for this ability, sacrifice it. (For example, if you roll two 3s, it gets +3/+3. If you roll a 4 and a 2 for this ability later that turn, sacrifice it.)

When Free-for-All enters the battlefield, exile all creatures face down.

At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player chooses a card exiled with Free-for-All at random and puts it onto the battlefield.

When Free-for-All leaves the battlefield, put all cards exiled with it into their owners' graveyards.

{B}: Frozen Shade gets +1/+1 until end of turn.

As long as Gaea's Liege isn't attacking, its power and toughness are each equal to the number of Forests you control. As long as Gaea's Liege is attacking, its power and toughness are each equal to the number of Forests defending player controls.

{T}: Target land becomes a Forest until Gaea's Liege leaves the battlefield.

Red creatures get +1/+1.

Whenever a Mountain is tapped for mana, its controller adds an additional {R}.

Exile all lands. Give each player a number of those cards chosen at random equal to the number of those cards the player controlled. Each player returns those cards to the battlefield under their control.

When Ghazbán Ogress enters the battlefield, if one player has won more Magic games that day than any other player, that player gains control of Ghazbán Ogress.

{2}, {T}: Move a counter from one permanent onto another. If the second permanent refers to any kind of counter, the moved counter becomes one of those counters. Otherwise, it becomes a +1/+1 counter.

Target creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Reach (This creature can block creatures with flying.)

As Gluetius Maximus enters the battlefield, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)

When the chosen finger isn't touching Gluetius Maximus, sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.

{R}: Goblin Balloon Brigade gains flying until end of turn.

{R}, {T}: Reflip any coin or reroll any die. (Activate only any time it makes sense.)

If Goblin Bowling Team would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus the result of a six-sided die roll to that permanent or player instead.

Other Goblins get +1/+1 and have mountainwalk.

When you speak, sacrifice Goblin Mime.

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

First strike

At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal a card from your hand at random.

Roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, Goblin Tutor has no effect. Otherwise, search your library for the indicated card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

2 -- A card named Goblin Tutor

3 -- An enchantment

4 -- An artifact

5 -- A creature

6 -- An instant or sorcery

Flying

{R}: Granite Gargoyle gets +0/+1 until end of turn.

You gain life equal to your age.

All creatures with art by the artist of your choice get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling gains your choice of banding, bushido 1, double strike, fear, flying, first strike, haste, landwalk of your choice, protection from a color of your choice, provoke, rampage 1, shadow, or trample until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the colors of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling becomes the creature type of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling's expansion symbol becomes the symbol of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling's art becomes by the artist of your choice until end of turn.

{2}: Greater Morphling gets +2/-2 or -2/+2 until end of turn.

{2}: Untap Greater Morphling.

Roll a six-sided die. Target creature gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X is the result.

Prevent the next X damage that would be dealt to any target this turn. Until end of turn, you may pay {1} any time you could cast an instant. If you do, prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to that permanent or player this turn.

Gus enters the battlefield with a +1/+1 counter on it for each Magic game you have lost to one of your opponents since you last won a game against them.

As Handcuffs enters the battlefield, choose a player.

When the chosen player's hands aren't touching each other, sacrifice Handcuffs and that player sacrifices three permanents.

You and target opponent play Seven Questions with the top card of that player's library. If you win, prevent all damage that would be dealt this turn by a source of your choice. (To play Seven Questions, that player looks at the card, then you ask up to six yes-or-no questions about the card that they answer truthfully. You guess the card's name--that's question seven--then the player reveals the card.)

Choose one --

• Target player gains 3 life.

• Prevent the next 3 damage that would be dealt to any target this turn.

{1}, {T}: Target creature gains banding until end of turn. (Any creatures with banding, and up to one without, can attack in a band. Bands are blocked as a group. If any creatures with banding a player controls are blocking or being blocked by a creature, that player divides that creature's combat damage, not its controller, among any of the creatures it's being blocked by or is blocking.)

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature gets +0/+2.

{W}: Enchanted creature gets +0/+1 until end of turn.

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature gets +1/+2.

Target creature gets +X/+0 until end of turn.

At the beginning of each player's draw step, if Howling Mine is untapped, that player draws an additional card.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may remove a counter from a permanent you control. If you don't, sacrifice Hungry Hungry Heifer.

Hurricane deals X damage to each creature with flying and each player.

Flying

Whenever Hypnotic Specter deals damage to an opponent, that player discards a card at random.

When you speak in non-rhyming sentences, sacrifice I'm Rubber, You're Glue.

Say "I'm rubber, you're glue. Everything bounces off me and sticks to you": Change the target of target spell or ability that targets only you.

Destroy target land.

{1}, {T}: Tap target artifact, creature, or land.

{X}: You may choose a creature card in your hand whose mana cost could be paid by some amount of, or all of, the mana you spent on {X}. If you do, you may cast that card face down as a 2/2 creature spell without paying its mana cost. If the creature that spell becomes as it resolves has not been turned face up and would assign or deal damage, be dealt damage, or become tapped, instead it's turned face up and assigns or deals damage, is dealt damage, or becomes tapped. Activate only as a sorcery.

Each player searches their library for any number of artifact, creature, enchantment, and/or land cards, puts them onto the battlefield, then shuffles.

Flying, first strike

{1}{B}, Reveal Infernal Spawn of Evil from your hand, Say "It's coming!": Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 1 damage to target opponent or planeswalker. Activate only during your upkeep and only once each turn.

Flying, first strike, trample

Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay {1}{B}, reveal Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil from your library and say "I'm coming, too!" If you do, Infernal Spawn of Infernal Spawn of Evil deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature can attack as though it had haste.

{0}: Untap enchanted creature. Activate only during your turn and only once each turn.

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature can't be blocked except by Walls.

If you would draw a card during your draw step, instead you may skip that draw. If you do, until your next turn, you can't be attacked except by creatures with flying and/or islandwalk.

{T}: Roll a six-sided die. This ability has the indicated effect.

1 -- Sacrifice Jack-in-the-Mox and you lose 5 life.

2 -- Add {W}.

3 -- Add {U}.

4 -- Add {B}.

5 -- Add {R}.

6 -- Add {G}.

{2}: Jade Statue becomes a 3/6 Golem artifact creature until end of combat. Activate only during combat.

{1}{R}, {T}: Shuffle Jalum Grifter and two lands you control face down. Target opponent chooses one of those cards. Turn the cards face up. If they chose Jalum Grifter, sacrifice it. Otherwise, destroy target permanent.

{4}: Search your library for a card, put that card into your hand, then shuffle.

Juggernaut attacks each combat if able.

Juggernaut can't be blocked by Walls.

Flying

As Jumbo Imp enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die. Jumbo Imp enters the battlefield with a number of +1/+1 counters on it equal to the result.

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die and put a number of +1/+1 counters on Jumbo Imp equal to the result.

At the beginning of your end step, roll a six-sided die and remove a number of +1/+1 counters from Jumbo Imp equal to the result.

As Keeper of the Sacred Word enters the battlefield, choose a word.

Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, Keeper of the Sacred Word gets +3/+3 until end of turn.

Keldon Warlord's power and toughness are each equal to the number of non-Wall creatures you control.

Destroy target nonblack creature.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.

First strike

{1}{W}, Do the Hokey Pokey: Prevent all damage a source of your choice would deal to Knight of the Hokey Pokey this turn. (To do the Hokey Pokey, choose an arm, a leg, or your whole self and put it in. Put it out. Put it in. Shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey! Turn yourself around.)

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll a six-sided die. If you a roll a 1, sacrifice Krazy Kow and it deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.

Flying

Spells cast by players wearing at least one item of women's clothing cost {1} less to cast. (You can define women's clothing as you see fit. Be reasonable.)

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature has first strike.

Choose a land type. Exile all lands you control of that type. Drop those cards, one at a time, onto the playing area from a height of at least one foot. Destroy each permanent completely covered by those cards. Then return the cards you dropped to the battlefield tapped.

Gotcha -- If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Laughing Hyena from your graveyard to your hand.

When Letter Bomb enters the battlefield, sign it and shuffle it into target player's library. That player reveals each card they draw until they draw Letter Bomb. When that player draws Letter Bomb, it deals 19½ damage to them.

Whenever Lexivore deals damage to a player, destroy target permanent other than Lexivore with the most lines of text in its text box. (If two or more cards are tied, target any one of them.)

{T}: Untap target land.

Lightning Bolt deals 3 damage to any target.

Enchant artifact

Whenever you're dealt damage, put that many vitality counters on Living Artifact.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may remove a vitality counter from Living Artifact. If you do, you gain 1 life.

Defender (This creature can't attack.)

{1}: Regenerate Living Wall.

{T}: Add {G}.

As Look at Me, I'm R&D comes into play, choose a number and a second number one higher or one lower than that number.

All instances of the first chosen number on permanents, spells, and cards in any zone are the second chosen number.

Ban a card other than a basic land card for the rest of the match. (All cards with that name in any zone or sideboard are removed from the match.)

Enchant creature

As Loose Lips enters the battlefield, choose a sentence with eight or fewer words.

Enchanted creature has flying.

Whenever enchanted creature deals damage to an opponent, that player may say the chosen sentence. If they don't, you draw two cards.

Flying, trample

At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice a creature other than Lord of the Pit. If you can't, Lord of the Pit deals 7 damage to you.

Enchant creature

All creatures able to block enchanted creature do so.

{U}: Change the text of target spell or permanent by replacing all instances of + with -, and vice versa, until end of turn.

Flying (This creature can't be blocked except by creatures with flying or reach.)

As long as you're shorter than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +0/+1 and has first strike.

As long as you're taller than an opponent, Man of Measure gets +1/+0.

Whenever a player taps a land for mana, that player adds one mana of any type that land produced.

{1}: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, add {C}{C}. Activate only as an instant.

Mana Vault doesn't untap during your untap step.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay {4}. If you do, untap Mana Vault.

At the beginning of your draw step, if Mana Vault is tapped, it deals 1 damage to you.

{T}: Add {C}{C}{C}.

Whenever a player taps a land for mana, Manabarbs deals 1 damage to that player.

As Meddling Kids enters the battlefield, choose a word with four or more letters.

Spells with the chosen word in their text box can't be cast.

Stand up, Flap your arms, Cluck like a chicken: Mesa Chicken gains flying until end of turn.

Flying; banding (Any creatures with banding, and up to one without, can attack in a band. Bands are blocked as a group. If any creatures with banding you control are blocking or being blocked by a creature, you divide that creature's combat damage, not its controller, among any of the creatures it's being blocked by or is blocking.)

Target player discards X cards at random.

When Mine, Mine, Mine! enters the battlefield, each player puts their library into their hand.

Players have no maximum hand size and don't lose the game for drawing from an empty library.

Each player can't cast more than one spell each turn.

When Mine, Mine, Mine! leaves the battlefield, each player shuffles their hand and graveyard into their library.

Mirror Mirror enters the battlefield tapped.

{7}, {T}, Sacrifice Mirror Mirror: Choose target player. At the beginning of the next end step, exchange life totals with that player, exchange control of all permanents you and that player control, and exchange cards in your hands, cards in your libraries, and cards in your graveyards.

Flying, first strike

At the beginning of each other player's upkeep, you may compliment that player on their game play. If you don't, sacrifice Miss Demeanor.

As Monkey Monkey Monkey enters the battlefield, choose a letter.

Monkey Monkey Monkey gets +1/+1 for each nonland permanent whose name begins with the chosen letter.

Sacrifice a creature or land: Add {HR}.

Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice Mother of Goons unless you insult that creature.

Choose target opponent and target creature they control. You and that player have a breath-holding contest. If you win, you gain control of that creature.

{T}: Add {G}.

{T}: Add {B}.

{T}: Add {∞}.

{100}: Add one mana of any color.

{T}: Add {W}.

{T}: Add {R}.

{T}: Add {U}.

{1}, {T}: Say the flavor text on a card in your hand. Target opponent guesses that card's name. You may reveal that card. If you do and they guessed wrong, you draw a card.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says a word that's in the name of a card in your graveyard, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return that card to your hand.

Skip your untap step.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay X life. If you do, untap X permanents.

Pay ½ life: Exile the top card of your library face down. Put that card into your hand at the beginning of the next end step.

Haste

At the beginning of your upkeep, if Nether Shadow is in your graveyard with three or more creature cards above it, you may put Nether Shadow onto the battlefield.

{T}: Choose target non-Wall creature the active player has controlled continuously since the beginning of the turn. That creature attacks this turn if able. Destroy it at the beginning of the next end step if it didn't attack this turn. Activate only during an opponent's turn, before attackers are declared.

Nevinyrral's Disk enters the battlefield tapped.

{1}, {T}: Destroy all artifacts, creatures, and enchantments.

Flying (This creature can't be blocked except by creatures with flying or reach.)

Nightmare's power and toughness are each equal to the number of Swamps you control.

Phasing, cumulative upkeep {1}, echo {G}{G}, fading 3, bands with other Dinosaurs, protection from Homarids, snow-covered plainswalk, flanking, rampage 2

Exile all permanents and all cards from all graveyards. Each player shuffles their hand into their library, then draws seven cards. Each player's life total becomes 10. Exile Once More with Feeling.

DCI ruling -- A deck can have only one card named Once More with Feeling.

Attacking creatures you control get +1/+0.

When Orcish Paratroopers enters the battlefield, flip it from a height of at least one foot. Sacrifice Orcish Paratroopers unless it turns over completely at least once during the flip and lands face up.

Art rampage 2 (Whenever this creature becomes blocked by a creature, it gets +2/+2 for each creature in the blocker's art beyond the first.)

Whenever a creature deals damage to a player, that player may say "Ow" once for each permanent named Ow. If the player doesn't, Ow deals 1 damage to them.

Creatures named Rock Lobster can't attack or block.

Enchant creature

When Paralyze enters the battlefield, tap enchanted creature.

Enchanted creature doesn't untap during its controller's untap step.

At the beginning of the upkeep of enchanted creature's controller, that player may pay {4}. If the player does, untap the creature.

{0}: The next 1 damage that would be dealt to Personal Incarnation this turn is dealt to its owner instead. Only Personal Incarnation's owner may activate this ability.

When Personal Incarnation dies, its owner loses half their life, rounded up.

At the beginning of the end step, if no creatures are on the battlefield, sacrifice Pestilence.

{B}: Pestilence deals 1 damage to each creature and each player.

Flying

At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Phantasmal Forces unless you pay {U}.

Flying

Flying, trample

At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library and balance it on your body.

When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice Phyrexian Librarian.

Pirate Ship can't attack unless defending player controls an Island.

{T}: Pirate Ship deals 1 damage to any target.

When you control no Islands, sacrifice Pirate Ship.

({T}: Add {R} or {W}.)

{3}, {T}: Spin Pointy Finger of Doom in the middle of the table so that it rotates completely at least once, then destroy the closest permanent the finger points to.

Flying

Whenever a creature dies, you may roll a six-sided die. If you roll a 1, sacrifice Poultrygeist. Otherwise, put a +1/+1 counter on Poultrygeist.

Enchant enchantment

At the beginning of the upkeep of enchanted enchantment's controller, that player may pay any amount of mana. Power Leak deals 2 damage to that player. Prevent X of that damage, where X is the amount of mana that player paid this way.

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {X}. If that player doesn't, they tap all lands with mana abilities they control and lose all unspent mana.

At the beginning of each player's upkeep, Power Surge deals X damage to that player, where X is the number of untapped lands they controlled at the beginning of this turn.

Destroy target nonartifact, nonland permanent that doesn't share a color with clothing worn by its controller.

{T}: Prodigal Sorcerer deals 1 damage to any target.

Psionic Blast deals 4 damage to any target and 2 damage to you.

Enchant land

Whenever enchanted land becomes tapped, Psychic Venom deals 2 damage to that land's controller.

Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's text box. (The punctuation marks are ! ? , ; : - -- ( ) / " " ' ' & .)

Did you know this creature has flying?

Are you aware that any time you say something that isn't a question, when a player points out this fact first, they gain control of Question Elemental?

Whenever one or more creatures you control attack, each defending player divides all creatures without flying they control into a "left" pile and a "right" pile. Then, for each attacking creature you control, choose "left" or "right." That creature can't be blocked this combat except by creatures with flying and creatures in a pile with the chosen label.

Each player sacrifices all permanents that are rare or mythic rare, then each player reveals their hand and discards all cards that are rare or mythic rare.

Return target creature card from your graveyard to the battlefield.

The next time a source of your choice would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage. You gain life equal to the damage prevented this way.

Whenever a player casts a spell that targets a single player, each player rolls a six-sided die. Change the target of that spell to the player with the lowest result. Reroll to break ties, if necessary.

Target blocking creature gets +7/+7 until end of turn.

Flying

Rock Hydra enters the battlefield with X +1/+1 counters on it.

For each 1 damage that would be dealt to Rock Hydra, if it has a +1/+1 counter on it, remove a +1/+1 counter from it and prevent that 1 damage.

{R}: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to Rock Hydra this turn.

{R}{R}{R}: Put a +1/+1 counter on Rock Hydra. Activate only during your upkeep.

Creatures named Scissors Lizard can't attack or block.

Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))

{3}, {T}: Rod of Ruin deals 1 damage to any target.

{T}: Destroy target tapped creature.

{T}: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to any target this turn.

Sauté deals 3½ damage to any target.

({T}: Add {G} or {W}.)

Choose one --

• Target player gains 2½ life.

• Prevent the next 2½ damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "save" or "life," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Save Life from your graveyard to your hand.

Creatures named Paper Tiger can't attack or block.

({T}: Add {W} or {B}.)

Sedge Troll gets +1/+1 as long as you control a Swamp.

{B}: Regenerate Sedge Troll.

Flying (This creature can't be blocked except by creatures with flying or reach.)

Whenever a creature dealt damage by Sengir Vampire this turn dies, put a +1/+1 counter on Sengir Vampire.

Flying, vigilance

Prevent the next 3 damage that would be dealt this turn to any number of targets, divided as you choose. If there are more people in the room of a different gender than you are as you cast this spell, prevent the next 6 damage this way instead.

Flying (This creature can't be blocked except by creatures with flying or reach.)

{R}: Shivan Dragon gets +1/+0 until end of turn.

You and target opponent arm-wrestle. If you win, create a 3/3 green Ape creature token.

Destroy target land.

As Six-y Beast enters the battlefield, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice Six-y Beast after it enters the battlefield.

Whenever Smart Ass attacks, choose a card name. If defending player has no cards with the chosen name in their hand, they may reveal their hand. If they don't reveal their hand, Smart Ass can't be blocked this turn.

Players can't untap more than one creature during their untap steps.

{T}: Add {C}{C}.

When Spark Fiend enters the battlefield, roll two six-sided dice. If you rolled 2, 3, or 12, sacrifice Spark Fiend. If you rolled 7 or 11, don't roll dice for Spark Fiend during any of your following upkeeps. If you rolled any other total, note that total.

At the beginning of your upkeep, roll two six-sided dice. If you rolled 7, sacrifice Spark Fiend. If you roll the noted total, don't roll dice for Spark Fiend during any of your following upkeeps. Otherwise, do nothing.

{4}, {T}, Sacrifice Spatula of the Ages: You may put a silver-bordered or acorn permanent card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Counter target spell with mana value X. (For example, if that spell's mana cost is {3}{U}{U}, X is 5.)

Counter target spell.

Gotcha -- If an opponent says "spell" or "counter," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Spell Counter from your graveyard to your hand.

{1}{G}: Reveal a card in your hand, covering the artist credit. Target opponent guesses the artist. If they guess wrong, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token.

As long as you're standing, Standing Army has vigilance.

Players skip their untap steps.

At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Stasis unless you pay {U}.

"Until end of turn" and "this turn" effects don't end.

Enchant artifact

You control enchanted artifact.

{T}: Target creature you control with toughness less than Stone Giant's power gains flying until end of turn. Destroy that creature at the beginning of the next end step.

Destroy target land.

Whenever Stone-Cold Basilisk blocks or becomes blocked by a creature with fewer letters in its name, destroy that creature at end of combat. (Punctuation and spaces aren't letters.)

Whenever an opponent reads Stone-Cold Basilisk, that player is turned to stone until end of turn. Stoned players can't attack, block, cast spells, or activate abilities.

Target player discards a card.

Gotcha -- If an opponent audibly flicks the cards in their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Stop That from your graveyard to your hand.

Roll a six-sided die. Strategy, Schmategy has the indicated effect.

1 -- Do nothing.

2 -- Destroy all artifacts.

3 -- Destroy all lands.

4 -- Strategy, Schmategy deals 3 damage to each creature and each player.

5 -- Each player discards their hand and draws seven cards.

6 -- Repeat this process two more times.

Target player gains X life.

Target creature gets +3½/+3½ until end of turn.

Exile target creature. Its controller gains life equal to its power.

({T}: Add {R} or {G}.)

{T}: Choose a word. Target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen word in its text box was milled this way, they lose 3 life.

As Temp of the Damned enters the battlefield, roll a six-sided die. Temp of the Damned enters the battlefield with a number of funk counters on it equal to the result.

At the beginning of your upkeep, remove a funk counter from Temp of the Damned. If you can't, sacrifice it.

Destroy target nonartifact, nonblack creature. It can't be regenerated.

The Fallen Apart enters the battlefield with two arms and two legs.

Whenever damage is dealt to The Fallen Apart, remove an arm or a leg from it.

The Fallen Apart can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.

{5}, {T}: Create a 1/1 colorless Insect artifact creature token with flying named Wasp. (It can't be blocked except by creatures with flying or reach.)

Whenever Thicket Basilisk blocks or becomes blocked by a non-Wall creature, destroy that creature at end of combat.

Banding (Any creatures with banding, and up to one without, can attack in a band. Bands are blocked as a group. If any creatures with banding you control are blocking or being blocked by a creature, you divide that creature's combat damage, not its controller, among any of the creatures it's being blocked by or is blocking.)

{T}: Exile Time Machine and target nontoken creature you own. Return them to the battlefield at the beginning of your upkeep on your turn X in the next game you play with one of your opponents in this game, where X is the mana value of the exiled creature.

Time Vault enters the battlefield tapped.

Time Vault doesn't untap during your untap step.

If you would begin your turn while Time Vault is tapped, you may skip that turn instead. If you do, untap Time Vault.

{T}: Take an extra turn after this one.

Take an extra turn after this one.

Each player shuffles their hand and graveyard into their library, then draws seven cards. (Then put Timetwister into its owner's graveyard.)

{4}: You may put a creature card from your hand onto the battlefield.

Destroy target land.

Gotcha -- If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Touch and Go from your graveyard to your hand.

Cumulative upkeep--Say "Toy Boat" quickly. (At the beginning of your upkeep, put an age counter on Toy Boat, then sacrifice it unless you say "Toy Boat" once for each age counter on it--without pausing between or fumbling it.)

({T}: Add {G} or {U}.)

({T}: Add {W} or {U}.)

Trample

Two-Headed Giant of Foriys can block an additional creature each combat.

Trample

When Uktabi Kong enters the battlefield, destroy all artifacts.

Tap two untapped Apes you control: Create a 1/1 green Ape creature token.

({T}: Add {U} or {B}.)

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature gets +2/+1.

Return target creature to its owner's hand.

Urza's Contact Lenses enters the battlefield tapped.

Urza's Contact Lenses doesn't untap during your untap step.

As long as Urza's Contact Lenses is untapped, all players play with their hands revealed.

Clap your hands twice: You may tap or untap Urza's Contact Lenses.

{2}, Discard a card: Search your library for a card that shares a complete word in its name with the discarded card, reveal it, put it into your hand, then shuffle.

{2}: Roll a six-sided die. Urza's Science Fair Project gets the indicated result.

1 -- It gets -2/-2 until end of turn.

2 -- Prevent all combat damage it would deal this turn.

3 -- It gains vigilance until end of turn.

4 -- It gains first strike until end of turn.

5 -- It gains flying until end of turn.

6 -- It gets +2/+2 until end of turn.

Whenever you cast an enchantment spell, you may draw a card.

You may have Vesuvan Doppelganger enter the battlefield as a copy of any creature on the battlefield, except it doesn't copy that creature's color and it has "At the beginning of your upkeep, you may have this creature become a copy of target creature, except it doesn't copy that creature's color and it has this ability."

As long as Veteran Bodyguard is untapped, all damage that would be dealt to you by unblocked creatures is dealt to Veteran Bodyguard instead.

({T}: Add {U} or {R}.)

Enchant player

As Volrath's Motion Sensor enters the battlefield, choose one of enchanted player's hands. That player balances Volrath's Motion Sensor on the back of that hand.

When Volrath's Motion Sensor falls off the chosen hand, sacrifice Volrath's Motion Sensor and enchanted player loses 3 life.

Defender (This creature can't attack.)

Flying

Enchant creature

At the beginning of the upkeep of enchanted creature's controller, Wanderlust deals 1 damage to that player.

Enchant artifact

At the beginning of the upkeep of enchanted artifact's controller, Warp Artifact deals 1 damage to that player.

As Water Gun Balloon Game enters the battlefield, each player puts a pop! counter on "0."

Whenever a player casts a spell, move that player's pop! counter up one.

Whenever a player's pop! counter hits "5," that player creates a 5/5 pink Giant Teddy Bear creature token and resets all pop! counters to "0."

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature gets -2/-1.

Enchant creature (Target a creature as you cast this. This card enters the battlefield attached to that creature.)

Enchanted creature gets +0/+2 and has reach. (It can block creatures with flying.)

Each player discards their hand, then draws seven cards.

Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.

First strike (This creature deals combat damage before creatures without first strike.)

Protection from black (This creature can't be blocked, targeted, dealt damage, or enchanted by anything black.)

Enchant land

Whenever enchanted land is tapped for mana, its controller adds an additional {G}.

Flying (This creature can't be blocked except by creatures with flying or reach.)

{B}: Regenerate Will-o'-the-Wisp. (The next time this creature would be destroyed this turn, it isn't. Instead tap it, remove all damage from it, and remove it from combat.)

As long as Winter Orb is untapped, players can't untap more than one land during their untap steps.

Look at target opponent's hand and choose a card from it. You control that player until Word of Command finishes resolving. The player plays that card if able. While doing so, the player can activate mana abilities only if they're from lands that player controls and only if mana they produce is spent to activate other mana abilities of lands the player controls and/or to play that card. If the chosen card is cast as a spell, you control the player while that spell is resolving.

Enchant creature

Enchanted creature gets +1/+1 for each word in its name.

{5}, Sacrifice World-Bottling Kit: Choose a Magic set. Exile all permanents with that set's expansion symbol except for basic lands.

Destroy all creatures. They can't be regenerated.

All creatures have haste.

Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.

Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.

As Zombie Fanboy enters the battlefield, choose an artist.

Whenever a permanent with art by the chosen artist is put into a graveyard, put two +1/+1 counters on Zombie Fanboy.

Other Zombie creatures have swampwalk. (They can't be blocked as long as defending player controls a Swamp.)

Other Zombies have "{B}: Regenerate this permanent."

At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents.

{1}: This card's name becomes the card name of your choice. Activate anywhere, anytime.