I'm not going to get into the debate on how competitive Standard at FNM
should be, but keep in mind that it's a tournament format with some level of prize support, so of course it's going to be more competitive than a kitchen table game. By it's format, FNM has made it this way.
One of the best things I think WOTC has done to help this stigma was open up FNM to where it could be any format. I know several shops that now run Modern or Draft events along with a Standard event separate. The one I go to the most in my area this Friday for instance is having a Standard FNM, a Modern FNM, and a Pauper FNM this week. At least at the shop I go to, more of the cut throat competitve players enter the Modern or other formats while it leaves the newer/less competitve players in the Standard event. Of course you still have the occassional @$$hat who will take his netdecked GP winning deck and tries to
smoke everyone as quick as possible, but I've found that to be more the oddity than the norm.
EDH is different to everyone. I have a cEDH deck, several of what I would consider 75% decks, and two decks that I hold back for playing with newer/younger/less competitive players. Whatever type of player is at the shop I can grind with, but it's also up to the table to decide what type of game they want before the game begins.