Well for a start, you need at least 5-6 More card draw spells, only having 5 is not gonna cut it.
I also think you're using the wrong commander for a blink/token strat. Thallisse is so much better than Obzedat, or even go with
Teysa Karlov for some more dies triggers of a
Blood Artist when your tokens eventually die.
Also, I think you are trying to do to much. Blink, Lifegain, Tokens, and all that other stuff just doesn't add up to much of a deck. I would focus on 2 main themes and go from there.
Sorry if I sound like an ass, but you asked for advice and I'm gonna give it to you. Hope this helped!