Things Overheard with my Playgroup

[Morganator 2.0]

I've previously asked what your playgroups are like. I asked this in the early pandemic and since then, playgroup composition has changed. In telling stories to other people about the things that go on with my playgroup, I'm starting to realize we're a lot more wild than most playgroups, and have unique experiences. Rather than tell any of the long-winded stories, I'm instead going to share some of the wild and wacky things that have been said in my playgroup. As these are quotes (as best as I remember them) there will be profanity in them. Some of these things have been said by me. Have fun guessing which ones.

If you have any funny stories to share about your playgroup, please do. I love zany stories.


"If you drink two 5-hour energies, do you get 10 hours of energy or 5 hours of double energy?"
"I'm pretty sure you get a heart attack."


Person pulls out a bag of bagels.
Then pulls out a jar of peanut butter.
"What are you doing?"
"Making a snack."
They pull out a jar of jam.
Then a single butter knife.


"We're all nerds here, so by default, 'social skills' is our lowest stat."


Talking about Rishkar's Expertise.
"They played Notion Thief so I didn't get my card draw, but at least I got to play a 5-drop."
"So you paid 6 mana for a 5 mana card?"
"Hmm. Hold on..."


Talking about cryptocurrency.
"You mean pyramid schemes for men? I say, being someone who fell for it."


"I'm starting to learn that I'm not that great at judging my deck's power level."
"Honestly? You've actually gotten worse."


Singles awareness day: the acronym spells 'sad'."


"Okay yeah, Linvala dies."
"Rest in piss."


"Ah! Fuck me!"
"No thanks."


I tap Krenko.
"Making babies!"
"That's really messed up."


"Feel free to bring your own drinks. If you want, I can even get something for you."
"I'd like some tomato milk please."
Green has been removed from the chat.
"Anyone else?"


" 'Sup nerd, how are your social skills?"


"Fun fact, the person beside Green was [name redacted], one of the members of the Rules Committee for commander. Green, what were you playing again so I know what's going to be banned?"
"Ha lol my Garna deck so most likely it would be Deathrender. Made me nervous as hell too cause all the refs were breathing down my neck."
" 'How dare you not break the rules to win the game, stop that.' "


Introducing themselves.
"Hello, I'm her emotional support meme provider!"


"I gotta go take my girlfriend to the vet."
"You should be taking her to a doctor you fucking misogynist."


"So how are things going with Maria?"
"Not great. I'm trying to make things work but it's really hard to please her. I've spent a lot of money buying things for her, and trying different things to make it work, but it's just really hard. I don't think things are going to go anywhere."
Awkward silence.
"Oh right, I should probably mention that Meria is a deck I've been trying to build."
"Oh! Okay. You had me there for a second."


"I always admit to my mistakes. Fortunately, I make so few mistakes I don't have to admit to it very often."
"Well THAT'S a statement."


"Okay we need to try and keep our voices down. If you're being too loud, I'm going to shoot you with that water gun."
Points to a massive water gun in the corner of the room.
"Now you're probably thinking that firing a water gun around a bunch of magic cards is a very bad idea, and you're absolutely right! So keep your voices down."


"Pay me back later. I accept payment in the form snacks, cute cat pictures, or sex."
"Does that get you laid often?"
"Not once. I do however, have a lot of cat photos."


"He's got this annoying reverse Midas touch where everything turns to shit."


"I'm about to leave. I'm just in the middle of a flame war on Reddit."
"You heard him. Let's give our bro some support!"
Green posts the link to the comments.
"Wait no..."


"So what do we want on the pizza?"
"Can we get pineapple?"
"You don't get to pick the toppings anymore."


Toilet flushes. Door opens.
"Wash your hands you degenerate!"
The entire store turns to look at them.


Talking to an underage person.
"If your brother gets alcohol poisoning and the paramedics ask 'What happened?' I'll just say 'He's a dumbass.' If you get alcohol poisoning and the paramedics ask 'What happened?' I'll have to say 'I'm a dumbass.' Do you understand the difference?"


"I bet his band is black metal. That seems like his style."
"I bet it's going to be some genre we've never heard before because metal bands like to feel special.
Later that evening.
"I like to call our style 'progressive hardcore'. "
"Someone better pick up that phone, because I called it!"


"I mean, I think you're pretty cute."
"Fuck yeah! Even the guys want me!"


I'll cast Emrakul targeting you.
On their turn.
"I'll cast Toxic Deluge, paying all your life."


"Are you going to counter my commander?"
"I will not."
"Promise me."
"I promise I will not counter your commander."
Okay. I'll cast Alela. Go to combat.
Green casts a removal spell, placing it on top of Alela.
"REALLY?!"
"What? I did not counter her."


"We booked enough beds for everyone and this fool insists on sleeping in the closet."
"Hey, he's allowed to come out in his own time."
"We'll all be supportive of you."