✮ [Primer] Kaalia of the Vast - Hell Heaven ✮ (EDH / Commander) [Revision 402]

EDH Competitive.
If you are a really bad person, well... This deck is perfect for you!

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the "Hell Heaven" Competitive deck has finally come!

I don't think it would be honest from me to tell you that "With this deck you'll win every single game!" or "The winning percentage is extremely high!" (even if it is true) because you won’t always have good hands with which to start (and you’ll be forced to mulligan), instantly casting Kaalia and win in five or six turns. It is precisely for this reason that the deck I built is made up of cards that "help each other", especially to protect our Commander, target number 1 of your opponents as soon as she enters the battlefield.

Inside this deck you will find some of the most powerful Angels, Demons and Dragons that have ever been created for this magnificent card game: all these cards will serve our beautiful Commander.
The goal of this deck is to be able to cast in three or four turns Kaalia (ready to attack) and start the duel. For this reason I decided to add cards like Dragon Tempest, Swiftfoot Boots and Lightning Greaves for the "haste" skill, but not only.

You won't have an easy life, I ensure you, especially if you are forced to face an opponent that "has fun" with blue decks (in this case you’ll know that you are against a retarded that doesn’t want to win with honor).
What I like about this deck is that every duel is a battle, made EPIC by every single creature on the battlefield. If you get goosebumps looking at them, you've come to the right place!

Don't expect me to say "In turn 1 you have to cast this or that… because if you don’t you’ll soon lose the game!", etc etc... We're not playing standard or modern (where the victories are practically decided from the deck you use from the beginning); we are playing Kaalia, and Kaalia means WAR… and a lot of fun (for us, of course)! This deck is designed to respond to any type of threat (you will find a good amount of “removals” and cards that have or give “protection”) both in single and multiplayer, just to hold off your opponents.

As I said earlier, the only tactic to follow is to cast Kaalia very soon (always with the certainty of having her on the battlefield without limitations and ready to attack), all the rest depends on probability. You’ll find Tutors if you get stuck in unpleasant situations (if Banishing Light exiled Kaalia or another of your creatures, you’ll need to get them back, for example searching with your tutor for Return to Dust or Mortify), but the goal I always kept in mind is the following: "Try to win with what I have at my disposal without valorizing too much one card or another". It sounds like a stupid thing to say (and maybe it is), but until recently this was a strong Kaalia-dependent deck, in the sense that if Kaalia wasn’t on the battlefield or was destroyed/exiled too many times the game was practically over. So I took some time and after months of work I proudly present my finished Masterpiece.
I call it Masterpiece because it was a project I worked on with love and dedication for a very long time, doing many tests with printed cards (to see who would have had the honor to officially join the team) and against different opponents (for example Thraximundar, Dragonlord Ojutai, Atraxa Praetors' Voice, etc...).

You will find a very long list of the cards I added to the deck. All the descriptions of the following cards have been directly copied from the Gatherer, in this way you don't have to go check the effect every single time.
Thanks for the time you spent on me and on Kaalia. We wish you a good reading.

LANDS
Battlefield Forge / Caves of Koilos = The damage dealt to you is part of the second mana ability. It doesn’t use the stack and can’t be responded to.

Boros Garrison / Orzhov Basilica / Rakdos Carnarium = Be careful because if this land enters the battlefield and you control no other lands, its ability will force you to return it to your hand.

Command Beacon = If you cast a commander from your hand, the additional cost based on the number of times you’ve cast it from your command zone (the “Commander Tax”) doesn’t apply. Additionally, that casting won’t add to the tax if you later cast the commander from the command zone.

Clifftop Retreat / Dragonskull Summit / Isolated Chapel = These lands check for lands you control with the land type Plains, Swamp or Mountain, not for lands named Plains, Swamp or Mountain. The lands they check for don’t have to be basic lands.

Maze of Ith = This card can target an untapped attacking creature. It will still prevent damage in that case. The creature isn’t removed from combat; it just has its damage prevented. It’s still an attacking creature until the combat phase is complete. You can activate Maze of Ith’s ability targeting an attacking creature you control during the combat damage step or the end of combat step. It’ll be untapped and the damage it had already dealt won’t be undone.

Shizo, Death's Storehouse = A creature with fear can't be blocked, except by artifact creatures and by creatures that are black.

Vault of the Archangel = This card's last ability affects only creatures you control when that ability resolves. It won’t affect creatures that come under your control later in the turn. Multiple instances of deathtouch or lifelink on the same creature are redundant.

20/09/20 Update: Vivid Meadow <--- Savai Triome

ARTIFACTS
Chromatic Lantern = Lands you control won’t lose any other abilities they had. They also won’t gain or lose any land types.

Lightning Greaves = You are not allowed to “unequip” equipment from a creature. If Lightning Greaves is attached to the only creature you control, you won’t be able to attach other equipment to it (or target it with anything else) until you have another creature onto which you can move Lightning Greaves.

Sensei's Divining Top = This card's second ability may be activated in response to its first ability. If so, you’ll draw a card, put Sensei’s Divining Top on top of your library, and then look at the top three cards and rearrange them. If Sensei’s Divining Top leaves the battlefield while its second ability is on the stack, you’ll draw a card and leave Sensei’s Divining Top in the zone it’s moved to.

Swiftfoot Boots = If a creature enters the battlefield under your control and gains haste, but then loses it before attacking, it won’t be able to attack that turn. This means that you can’t use one Swiftfoot Boots to allow two new creatures to attack in the same turn.

Sword of Feast and Famine = You’ll untap all lands you control even if the player doesn’t discard a card.

ENCHANTMENTS
Dragon Tempest = The two abilities aren’t mutually exclusive. If a Dragon with flying (Balefire Dragon or Drakuseth, Maw of Flames) enters the battlefield under your control, both abilities will trigger.

Reconnaissance = One of the most useful cards that I have: it does not undo any effects which triggered on declaration of attackers or blockers. This means that if Kaalia wold be blocked and destroyed by a creature, with Reconnaissance you can put a big guy onto the battlefield and remove Kaalia from attacking your opponent.

INSTANTS
Anguished Unmaking = If the nonland permanent becomes an illegal target, Anguished Unmaking doesn’t resolve. You won’t lose 3 life.

Boros Charm = If you choose the second mode, permanents that come under your control later in the turn will not have indestructible.
Cloudshift = Once the exiled permanent returns, it’s considered a new object with no relation to the object that it was. Auras attached to the exiled permanent will be put into their owners’ graveyards. Equipment attached to the exiled permanent will become unattached and remain on the battlefield. Any counters on the exiled permanent will cease to exist. Note that the returned card won’t be the target of any spells or abilities that targeted it before. Any spells that don’t target, such as Damnation, will still affect it.

Path to Exile = If the targeted creature becomes an illegal target by the time Path to Exile would resolve, the entire spell doesn’t resolve. The creature’s controller won’t search for a basic land card. The controller of the exiled creature isn’t required to search their library for a basic land. If that player doesn’t, the player won’t shuffle their library.

Swords to Plowshares = The amount of life gained is equal to the power of the targeted creature as it last existed on the battlefield. If the creature’s power is negative, its controller doesn’t lose or gain life.

SORCERIES
Demonic Tutor = You don’t reveal the card to your opponent. Note that this card is put directly into your hand. It is not drawn.

CREATURES
Akroma, Angel of Fury = The “legend rule” cares about legendary permanents with the exact same English name. You can control Akroma, Angel of Fury and Akroma, Angel of Wrath at the same time.

Angel of Serenity = You choose the targets as part of putting the enters-the-battlefield trigger on the stack. You choose up to three total targets from among other creatures on the battlefield and creature cards in graveyards. You may choose zero targets.

Angelic Arbiter = During your turn, Angelic Arbiter’s abilities have no effect on the game. During an opponent’s turn, that opponent may either cast spells or attack with creatures, but not both (assuming that Angelic Arbiter is on the battlefield for the entirety of that turn). The player may perform other actions, such as activating abilities and playing lands. If Angelic Arbiter leaves the battlefield during an opponent’s turn, its abilities cease to affect the game. For example, if an opponent casts Mortify to destroy Angelic Arbiter, that player may then attack with creatures. The last ability applies if an opponent attacked with at least one creature during the current turn.

Angelic Skirmisher = You choose which ability creatures you control will gain when Angelic Skirmisher’s ability resolves. This happens before attacking creatures are declared. Only creatures you control when the ability resolves will gain the chosen ability. Creatures that come under your control later in the turn will not gain the ability.

Archangel of Thune = Archangel of Thune’s last ability triggers just once for each life-gaining event. Each creature with lifelink dealing combat damage causes a separate life-gaining event. For example, if two creatures you control with lifelink deal combat damage at the same time, Archangel of Thune’s last ability will trigger twice. However, if a single creature you control with lifelink deals combat damage to multiple creatures, players, and/or planeswalkers at the same time (perhaps because it has trample or was blocked by more than one creature), the ability will trigger only once. Note that if a creature you control is dealt lethal damage at the same time that you gain life, it won’t receive a counter from Archangel of Thune’s last ability in time to save it.

Archfiend of Despair = Archfiend of Despair’s last ability counts only how much life was lost. It doesn’t care whether a player also gained life.

Aurelia, the Warleader = You untap all creatures you control, including ones that aren’t attacking. You don’t have to attack with any creatures during the additional combat phase. If Aurelia is put onto the battlefield attacking, the triggered ability won’t trigger.

Avacyn, Angel of Hope = A permanent with indestructible can’t be destroyed (even from a creature with deathtouch), but it can still be sacrificed, exiled, put into a graveyard, and so on. Creatures with indestructible still have damage marked on them, even though that damage won’t destroy them. If Avacyn leaves the battlefield, creatures that lose indestructible and have lethal damage marked on them will be destroyed.

Baneslayer Angel = “Protection from Demons and from Dragons” means the following: -- Baneslayer Angel can't be blocked by creatures with the creature type Demon or the creature type Dragon. -- Baneslayer Angel can't be targeted abilities from sources with the creature type Demon or the creature type Dragon, or by spells with either of those types. -- All damage that would be dealt to Baneslayer Angel by sources with the creature type Demon or the creature type Dragon is prevented. -- Baneslayer Angel can't be enchanted by Auras or equipped by artifacts that have somehow gotten the creature type Demon or the creature type Dragon.

Drakuseth, Maw of Flames = You can’t choose the same target multiple times to have it be dealt 6, 7, or 10 damage.

Gisela, Blade of Goldnight = Gisela doubles damage dealt to opponents and permanents your opponents control from any source, including sources controlled by those opponents. If damage dealt by a source you control is being divided or assigned among multiple permanents an opponent controls or among an opponent and one or more permanents they control simultaneously, divide the original amount and double the results. For example, if you attack with a 5/5 creature with trample and your opponent blocks with a 2/2 creature, you can assign 2 damage to the blocker and 3 damage to the defending player. These amounts are then doubled to 4 and 6 damage, respectively. You can’t double the damage to 10 first and then assign 2 to the creature and 8 to the player.

Giver of Runes = Protection from a color means that the target creature can’t be blocked by creatures of that color, can’t be the target of spells of that color or abilities from sources of that color, can’t be enchanted or equipped by Auras or Equipment of that color, and all damage that sources of that color would deal to it is prevented. Nothing other than these events is prevented or illegal. Similarly, protection from colorless means that the target creature can’t be blocked by colorless creatures, can’t be the target of colorless spells or abilities of colorless sources, can’t be enchanted or equipped by colorless Auras or Equipment, and all damage that colorless sources would deal to it is prevented. A permanent gaining protection may cause a spell or ability on the stack to have an illegal target. As a spell or ability tries to resolve, if all its targets are illegal, that spell or ability doesn’t resolve. None of its effects happen, including effects unrelated to the target. If at least one target is still legal, the spell or ability does as much as it can to the remaining legal targets, and its other effects still happen.

Grand Abolisher = This creature doesn’t stop your opponents from activating abilities of artifact, creature, or enchantment cards in zones other than the battlefield. This creature doesn’t affect triggered abilities or static abilities.

Kaalia, Zenith Seeker = You can put up to three cards into your hand this way: one Angel card, one Demon card, and/or one Dragon card.

Linvala, Keeper of Silence = Activated abilities contain a colon. They’re generally written “[Cost]: [Effect].” Some keywords are activated abilities and will have colons in their reminder text. No abilities of creatures your opponents control can be activated, including mana abilities. Linvala’s last ability affects only creatures on the battlefield. Activated abilities that work in other zones (such as bloodrush or unearth) can still be activated. Triggered abilities (starting with “when,” “whenever,” or “at”) are unaffected.

Lord of the Void = This creature’s ability isn’t optional. If there is a creature card among the seven cards you exiled, you must put one onto the battlefield under your control.

Master of Cruelties = An ability that triggers when something “attacks and isn’t blocked” triggers in the declare blockers step after blockers are declared if (1) that creature is attacking and (2) no creatures are declared to block it. It will trigger even if that creature was put onto the battlefield attacking rather than having been declared as an attacker in the declare attackers step. Master of Cruelties’s last ability won’t trigger if it attacks a planeswalker. Assigning no combat damage isn’t the same as preventing that damage. Effects that make damage unpreventable will have no effect if no combat damage can be assigned.

Seraph of the Scales = Gaining vigilance any time after the moment you choose to attack with a creature won’t cause it to become untapped. Because blockers are chosen all at once, you can’t block with a creature with afterlife, wait for it to die, then block with the resulting Spirit tokens.

Steel Hellkite = Steel Hellkite’s last ability destroys only nonland permanents whose converted mana cost is exactly equal to X, and only those controlled by players who have been dealt combat damage by Steel Hellkite this turn. If Steel Hellkite’s third ability is activated with X equal to 0, it will destroy each nonland permanent with converted mana cost 0 the appropriate players control. If a permanent is copying something else, its converted mana cost is the converted mana cost of whatever it’s copying. In all cases, ignore any alternative costs or additional costs (such as kicker) paid when the permanent was cast. If the mana cost of a permanent includes X (colorless), X is considered to be 0. If a nonland permanent has no mana symbols in its upper right corner (because it’s a token that’s not copying of something else, for example), its converted mana cost is 0.

Vilis, Broker of Blood = A player loses life if they pay life. If you pay life to cast a spell or activate an ability, you don’t draw cards until after you’ve finished casting that spell or activating that ability. You draw those cards before that spell or ability resolves, but after targets are chosen for it.

PLANESWALKERS
Nahiri, the Harbinger = You can activate Nahiri’s first ability with no intention of discarding a card just to add loyalty to Nahiri. If the artifact or creature put onto the battlefield with Nahiri’s third ability leaves the battlefield before the next end step, it won’t be returned to your hand from its new zone.

Serra the Benevolent = Serra’s first ability affects only creatures you control with flying at the time it resolves. Creatures you begin to control later in the turn or that gain flying later in the turn won’t get +1/+1. Serra’s emblem doesn’t prevent damage. It only changes the result of damage dealt to you. For example, a creature with lifelink that deals damage to you will still cause its controller to gain life, even if that damage would reduce your life total to less than 1. Serra’s emblem doesn’t stop loss of life from effects that say that you lose life. Note that combat damage you’re dealt by a Commander is still tracked, even if it doesn’t change your life total.